tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post3343758216140178492..comments2023-11-03T03:14:43.155-07:00Comments on Pseudo's Spot: Elderly Parent IssuesPseudohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10430783970802030846noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-53909513154103041462010-07-18T09:17:01.512-07:002010-07-18T09:17:01.512-07:00I don't have any advice, just sympathy and blo...I don't have any advice, just sympathy and bloggy support. My mom has mental health issues as well, she's been enabled through life by my grandparents who are still living, but I'm afraid responsibility for her will soon fall upon me and my sister. She also has a history of poor money management along with strings of dangerous and unsavory men that serve to further complicate the matter. Tough waters to navigate. My thoughts are with you.Mrsbearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16338013137281543065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-27398540296263049262010-07-16T22:19:03.509-07:002010-07-16T22:19:03.509-07:00I can't add anything to what already has been ...I can't add anything to what already has been said except to say that getting an attorney is probably the best step you can make and the first step. An attorney who specializes in elder care. <br /><br />I am so sorry you have to go through this.Berniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10189300487828240620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-36383148833357821682010-07-14T09:49:58.443-07:002010-07-14T09:49:58.443-07:00I also believe your first step should be to contac...I also believe your first step should be to contact an elder attorney. Certainly they have been through this same scenario and can direct you in regard to gaining POA and further action.<br /><br />Often, the parents are frightened. Frightened to lose their independence. If there is someone to make them part of the process rather than alienating them, it progresses smoother. Good luck. Don't with this on anyone.Midlife Roadtripperhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06700277803842883251noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-9302997697232625962010-07-14T07:42:04.140-07:002010-07-14T07:42:04.140-07:00I can physically feel your pain and frustration--i...I can physically feel your pain and frustration--it is mine, too. As someone who rarely calls my mother out on her obviously insane behavior either, I don't have much in the advice category. I think you have to tread carefully, or you may end up financially responsible for her debts. I would start with contacting a lawyer familiar with California elderly laws/issues. It may cost a little money, but I think it might be well spent.Just Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13821854495030177925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-71200658101996164542010-07-14T06:56:31.990-07:002010-07-14T06:56:31.990-07:00So glad you post this. I recognize these kinds of...So glad you post this. I recognize these kinds of behaviors and what makes it worse is that Hippa gets in the way when you have a parent who removes you from the list of people who can speak to the medical people. Get that POA before she does that.<br /><br />I have a parent who is a Borderline Personality .... we spent our lives walking on eggshells trying to keep the peace...now that she is in her 80's she it has become impossible to deal with. <br /><br />The best thing you can do is get the POA because as she loses control of her life she will get more difficult to deal with. That POA will be the only thing that you will be able to rely on. I wish we had one. <br /><br />I think your steps are reasonable but you and your sister must remember to take care of yourselves in all of this. The children of parents with serious personality disorders suffer their own emotional onslaughts both as adults and from the wounds of childhood.<br /><br />My siblings and I are struggling to find our own answers (and failing) while trying to remain emotionally intact. So, I can offer moral support but no real answers. <br /><br />Trust your ideas and your solutions because no one understands the situation better than you and your sister. <br /><br />I appreciate you writing about this issue because I have not had the guts to write about it openly on my site (thus no writing at all) Thanks for being a good example and reaching out with your dilemma.Onediahttp://onediasozarks.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-17232430331122313552010-07-14T05:21:02.763-07:002010-07-14T05:21:02.763-07:00Hugs to you. Plenty good vibes coming your way.Hugs to you. Plenty good vibes coming your way.hillgrandmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01805698959846687562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-57277131227588468072010-07-13T13:27:54.113-07:002010-07-13T13:27:54.113-07:00Oh how I wish I could be of help on this one. I me...Oh how I wish I could be of help on this one. I mean you've got a real complicated situation and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. This must be so stressful for you.<br /><br />Also, I'm assuming you're in Sacramento this week. If there's any chance you see this, let me know so we can meet for coffee if you have time.Nanny Goats In Pantieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06019800312349427823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-14505345854630466242010-07-12T21:52:58.182-07:002010-07-12T21:52:58.182-07:00Sadly, I have no suggestions for you. I have not e...Sadly, I have no suggestions for you. I have not experienced this with either of my parents and hope I never do. I can't imagine how difficult and painful it must be. <br /><br />Best of luck to you, Pseudo. Enjoy your respite of sorts, on the job.Fragrant Liarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09452052210826471034noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-24327144202278625252010-07-12T20:03:13.355-07:002010-07-12T20:03:13.355-07:00Oh, my heart is aching for you. I know I sent you...Oh, my heart is aching for you. I know I sent you an email. What I realized after reading Moma Badger and Secret Agent's response was this. I had forgotten when I had to get guardianship of my mother that I (being 26 and w/o a clue) didn't realize that by signing certain forms at the hospital took financial responsibility. <br />After some sound advice like you have received from the bloggers above, an Elder Law Attorney was able to help along with Mom's dr. deeming her incompetent. Then I was able to send the diagnosis to bill collectors where Mom (Alzheimer's) had racked up bills and the couldn't come after me for those funds.<br /><br />From a professional side, looks like I may have seconded in my email what some of the others have said above.<br /><br />At any rate, this isn't easy and you are in my prayers! ((HUGS))Sharon Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00695395104518983907noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-87223550588622030402010-07-12T18:17:00.464-07:002010-07-12T18:17:00.464-07:00I've done court-ordered competency evaluations...I've done court-ordered competency evaluations before - I believe it involves consulting with a lawyer who specializes in competency issues or working with elderly parents. I think you're absolutely right to withhold financial support until you get a POA in place. I hope you can set this aside and just enjoy your vacation.secret agent womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763879283931347382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-26938274520068859752010-07-12T16:04:34.441-07:002010-07-12T16:04:34.441-07:00That's tough. I wish I had a suggestion for m...That's tough. I wish I had a suggestion for me. Best of luck. I'll be thinking about you.Susan R. Millshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09578747592345750650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-90584315790600642782010-07-12T09:34:38.496-07:002010-07-12T09:34:38.496-07:00Pseudo, I'm so sorry to hear all this. What a...Pseudo, I'm so sorry to hear all this. What a horrible place for both you and your Mom to be.<br /><br />I'm going to slip in a little bit of advice for your side, though. Whatever you do, make sure it can not effect your own finances. I made the mistake of taking over as my Dad's POA when he became very ill, and as a result ended up with some of his debt. Because I made the decision, and I signed the form, he became my dependent. Make sure any lawyer you get realizes that YOU are his client, not your mother. Don't let her problems become yours long term.Mama Badgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14728171552859416176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-79885645061579058652010-07-12T07:48:15.082-07:002010-07-12T07:48:15.082-07:00No words, just sending you virtual hugs and large ...No words, just sending you virtual hugs and large glasses of wine.Nubianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07684802193733592184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-52466290617359495972010-07-12T07:22:18.671-07:002010-07-12T07:22:18.671-07:00You've gotten some excellent advice from Chris...You've gotten some excellent advice from Christy, Michele and Linda - harsh or not, you should do what you can to have her declared incompetent to handle her affairs.<br /><br />I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this.Janhttp://www.janssushibar.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-70281383637217668212010-07-12T07:00:06.850-07:002010-07-12T07:00:06.850-07:00good luck! You may find someone that can get her d...good luck! You may find someone that can get her declared mentally unfit.kyootyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05001748005643667487noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-52687892049213231682010-07-11T20:58:37.829-07:002010-07-11T20:58:37.829-07:00What a really difficult situation! I wish I had s...What a really difficult situation! I wish I had some advice, but I don't. I think I've got some huge elder care issues in my future though so I can empathize tremendously!Twenty Four At Hearthttp://www.TwentyFourAtHeart.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-80013970102917476572010-07-11T19:37:34.349-07:002010-07-11T19:37:34.349-07:00aw, this just sucks all around. I have no advice f...aw, this just sucks all around. I have no advice for you, but the previous commenters had some good things to say. i can see my mom head in this direction REALLY fast if my dad dies before she does. sigh....best wishesChristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05468422056345875269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-47040633415427332332010-07-11T19:23:53.624-07:002010-07-11T19:23:53.624-07:00Ack. I wish I had expertise to offer. Sounds like ...Ack. I wish I had expertise to offer. Sounds like a royal mess. Hugs to you.Anna Whiston-Donaldsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14921348961654008115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-40800111566017896582010-07-11T18:53:53.790-07:002010-07-11T18:53:53.790-07:00I suck at advice, but I've already given you w...I suck at advice, but I've already given you what I've got in relation to this.<br /><br />Good vibes headed your way... and you Mom's way.tulpenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09244442556884959190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-21983784293678427992010-07-11T17:57:18.585-07:002010-07-11T17:57:18.585-07:00This is so sad. I can't imagine how difficult ...This is so sad. I can't imagine how difficult this must be so far away. I think the home will end up letting her stay until her insurance kicks in. They usually do. <br /><br />I will pray for you and your family. I can't imagine this.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07874897254332872367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-74868080795411701562010-07-11T16:14:47.250-07:002010-07-11T16:14:47.250-07:00Shit. No help here, only love and support for you ...Shit. No help here, only love and support for you and your sisters. This must be so hard...Kristanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04771013578685419826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-89545288068756868642010-07-11T14:57:56.253-07:002010-07-11T14:57:56.253-07:00I see you got some useful comments -- good! Nothin...I see you got some useful comments -- good! Nothing to add (my mom died when I was 20), but you're in my thoughts and prayers.Jeanne Estridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13096521122802823385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-35909508134822913602010-07-11T14:37:03.550-07:002010-07-11T14:37:03.550-07:00i have no words of advice, but i'm sending a v...i have no words of advice, but i'm sending a virtual hug your way. i'm sorry you are going through this.creative kerfufflehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08645362903422740070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-83681815820568803832010-07-11T11:40:19.170-07:002010-07-11T11:40:19.170-07:00Sadly, no practical information. Just remember to ...Sadly, no practical information. Just remember to breathe. Deeply and often. Will be thinking of you. Best of luck!dshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07616750784052488695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3198460211087859887.post-28702454355641970242010-07-11T10:43:31.761-07:002010-07-11T10:43:31.761-07:00Oh gosh. :( You need to talk to her doctor and a...Oh gosh. :( You need to talk to her doctor and ask if he feels that she's competent to make these decisions on her own, and if he's not 100% convinced - he needs to help with having her declared incompetent, which will get you to court and then give you (or your sister) POA and you can get to work on the issues. It might cost you for an attorney, but in the long run, may cost less than bailing her out of this mess. I'm so sorry she got herself and subsequently you into this mess.K Dubshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860159504793727118noreply@blogger.com