Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Random Middle Schoolishness

We allow one student at a time to use the bathroom in middle school. There are reasons for this, but they are boring so let's move on.

The other day a student came up, asked to use the bathroom, was told to use the sign out sheet, and off he went.

Two seconds later, another student came up, grabbed the sign out sheet, and started signing himself out to the restroom.

Hey. Joe's using the bathroom. You have to wait until he gets back.

Uh. OK.

Bob goes back to his seat. Quiet, independent reading time continues.

A noxious odor swivels slowly across the floor and under my seat, winding its way around me from the floor up until it hits my nostrils and sends them flaring. I look up to see my entire classroom looking like the Jesse James' gang, shirts pulled up and over their noses like bandits.

Bob has magically appeared by the side of my desk, head bobbing at the sign-in sheet, feet shuffling back and forth, a silly, sheepish grin on his face.

Oh Good Lord Bob. Yes. Go NOW.

Bob starts to sign the sheet, the odor around my desk becoming darker and denser with each passing second.

LIKE RIGHT NOW BOB. GOGOGO

Bob runs a weird little dance down the hall while I direct a couple of students to open ALL closed windows.

MISS... Bob's doing the dodo run..

Bandit shirt masks shiver in giggledom across the entire room.

* * *

Two days ago I walked out of one door of my classroom to get a breath of fresh air, walked down to the other door and took a long breath while I enjoyed the view, then reentered my class.

Unknowingly stepping through a water puddle in the process.

Feeling centered and revived, I took that first step into my class and did an Ice-Skating with the Stars level faux paus (and no, I have not actually watched that show).

I slip. I slide. I grasp at the ledge of the dry erase board. I go down.

I pick myself up as quickly and with as much dignity as I can muster.

Miss!!! Are you OK.

I'm fine.

Are you sure you didn't break your leg?

Yes. I'm sure.

Cause that's how Steven broke his foot. He fell down running through his own house.

I look back at Steven who just made it onto crutches after a month in a wheel chair. I never asked how he broke his foot, but the severity of of convalescence had me thinking major surgery or a stunt of Wild Boys level antics.

You broke your foot falling down in your house?

Miss. Really? Like I haven't been teased enough already.

For more Random Fun, head on over to Keely's at the Unmom's.


17 comments:

creative kerfuffle said...

ah, noxious odors in middle school. reminds me of 10th grade. this poor guy farted LOUDLY in english class. of course everyone laughed. he got up and left the classroom and we didn't see him the rest of the day or the next. he finally came back to school, but i felt so badly for him.

Jan said...

Predicated on the previous story, I fully expected for you to tell us Bob had let loose and that's where the puddle came from.

Brian Miller said...

ooo...ugh...yeah...odors not good...not a good sign at all...

and glad you survived your slip and slide...and teasing the kids...tsk tsk...smiles.

tulpen said...

I know those noxious odors all too well.

I see you your stinky middle schooler and raise you an ancient demented pants pooper.

Mama Badger said...

Poor Steven. That just sucks.

I, too, am familiar with that smell. And random puddles for that matter. Damn, this kid is taking for ever to potty train. Can't I just put him in depends, and skip the 80 year interval?

only a movie said...

Isn't teaching the best when one of your students can clear a room like that?

Kristan said...

EWWW to the first one, and AWWW to the second. Love these little classroom snippets. :)

Anna See said...

fart stories never get old! :)

Pastor Sharon said...

Poor Bob!

The visual of the "teacher" ice skating across the room through a puddle has caused me to laugh so hard, I have almost created my own puddle now!

So, I have taken the liberty to sign myself out to go the girls room!
LOL

Michele said...

I have always found middle schoolers to be a gas (pun intended)

ds said...

Oh, poor Bob, poor (but lucky) you! Yes, I was expecting the puddle to be of something other than water...
Thanks for the giggles!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Again I say-- Teachers are not paid nearly enough!
Cheers, jj

DuchessOmnium said...

Good stories. You are on form.

Anonymous said...

Hi, i just want to say hello to the community

secret agent woman said...

First, Hi Anonymous!!! How nice of you to say hello to us all!

Okay, I had a friend who broke her foot walking. Didn't trip over a thing. Tragic. And I'm the person who, stone cold sober, feel down an entire flight of wooden stairs walking into a restaurant. In a skirt. sigh

secret agent woman said...

Fell, not feel. My typing is also accident-prone.

Gaston Studio said...

Poor, poor Bob! Glad to hear you didn't break anything... and I, too, thought the puddle would be something different!