Sunday, October 26, 2008

Kindergartners. Just ten years later.

Vodka Mom always has the best blogs about her kindergarten students. Five year olds say the cutest things. Absolutely precious. A recent post featured the first fifteen minutes of the day with all the exuberance and innocence one would imagine from these delightful creatures. While posting a comment on her blog, it occurred to me that my students, 10th graders, had only ten years ago been that cute and innocent. I commented casually that I should write down what I hear and see in my classroom and we could compare. Then Vodka Mom encouraged me to go through with it.

The following is a cross section of the first five minutes of four different classes, plus walking onto campus. The names have been changed to protect the little darlings.

Walking onto campus 45 minutes before school starts. I come through the back stairwell and a male student has a female student plastered against the wall. If they didn’t have their clothes on, one would assume birth control would be necessary.

Hey! Knock it off.

No separation, but dirty looks in my direction.

Seriously. You two need to get out of here.

No separation. Dirtier looks in my direction.

I have a digital camera in my purse and I’m not afraid to use it. Do I need to show your mothers a picture of what you are doing?

Girl looks freaked out (finally), but boy looks like he would gladly slice my throat.

Between first bell and tardy bell:

(Jan) Do you know how much the health room charges for a pad? (Me) Sorry, no. But do you need a pass to the health room to go get one? (Jan) What if I don’t have enough money? (Me) I guess you have to work that out with the health room aid. (Sadie)Hi Miss. Are we going to work on our poems today? (Bill) Why do we have to write poems? It’s not my thing. (Bob)I’m going to put a shriek bat in my poem. Miss, do you know what a shriek bat is? Do you play blah blah video game? (James) Why would you put a shriek bat in your poem? You’re supposed to write a poem about yourself. (Bob) EXCUSE ME. Maybe some of us are using similes and metaphors like we are supposed to. (James) Oh, my bad, you are so like a shriek bat. (Tom) Your mother's like a shriek bat. (Lily) Miss, can you sign my permission form? I’m going to be a tour guide for the students who are visiting from Japan next week. (Marie, Tilly, Helen, Fred, Kent – all digging into their backpacks or binders) OH! Me too. Me too. My form too. (Darlene) Hi Miss. I just got back from our family reunion. Do you have my work from last week? (Me) Darlene, review the make-up policy and come to see me in tutoring after school. Class, the tardy bell will ring in about 30 seconds. You need to be seated at that time. (Donald) Can I get a drink of water? (Me) Do I ever give you permission to be late to my class? (Ronald) Can I use the bathroom? (Me) Do I ever give you permission to be late to my class? Class. That IS the tardy bell. You can use the ten minutes of SST to study for your quiz. (Susie, Bobbie, and Chad)What Quiz?? (Me) The one that has been posted on the board and on my website for the last week. I’d like to remind you all that if you don’t know what is going on in class, you shouldn’t announce it. (Sadie) Miss. Lynn is crying in the hall. (Me, outside in hall) Lynn – are you OK? (Lynn, balling her eyes out) Miss, can I go to the health room? (Me) Of course. But are you OK? Do I need to call for a security cart to drive you? (Lynn) No. Snuffle. My boyfriend broke up with me just now. I can’t go to class like this. I need to lie down.

30 comments:

only a movie said...

Aaaah. What a cool post. What a cool idea (may steal it). And can I just say how grateful I am for not teaching high school students any longer?
Happy Sunday!
(p.s. - my word verification is "verin" - how weird is that???)

Vodka Mom said...

OMG!!!!!!! I love it. Absolutely LOVE it. See. our lives are the same. You just have better scenery, and bigger waves. and a tan.

thistle said...

did you really threaten to pull a paparazzi on the two in the hall?...genius...but it sounds like you have some tough kids...yikes...think i rather deal with the Kindergartenese...

Cristin said...

I can't wait to describe someone as a 'shriek bat'.

Loved this!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

I loved this. Oh the drama! My oldest son is a senior in HS. I woke up this morning w/another mom calling asking if HER son had spent the night. "NO" She began crying. Five hours of drama followed. Apparently her son lied that he had spent the night at our house, his girlfriend lied to her parents about spending the night at HER friend's and they snuck off together. Both kids are now grounded and drama, drama, drama! What an age!

Jan said...

THANK YOU.

This makes dealing with ONE adolescent so much easier. Especially when I realize that mine (the youngest of five) will eventually move away from home. Yours will stick around for as long as you teach.

You DO have a medal. Right?

Tricia said...

Oh my goodness. My head is spinning. I love the digital camera threat!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Teenagers! You just gotta love 'em. Don't we? I'm with Tricia and Thistle: I love the camera threat. Brilliant!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Everyone- yes, I did have a digital camera in my purse and I DID have to threaten to use it. They needed a garden hose, but we don't have those handy.

Movie "verin" how weird is that. Steal away - I "borrowed" from Vodka Mom.

Cristin - I am impressed you know what a shriek bat is. I had to have one of the lads pull up an image on google to show me.

24 - Your scenario is my worst nightmare.

Tricia - my head spins on a regular basis. I probably look like the girl in the exorcits most days. Thanks for stopping by!

SMB - Yep. You gotta love 'em. It's acutally my 16 year old at home that I want to rhow through a door some days.

binks said...

Kudos to you and my buddy Vodka Mom. I don't think I would last as a teacher, i would be committed.
To a jail cell - for killing some difficult little bugger.

shaunna said...

and in a couple years they'll be eligible to vote. (most excellent post.)

Just B said...

Kind of made me miss teaching high school, all that creativity you must use to thwart their bad behavior. And all the drama. And all the repetition. And all the repetition. And all the repetition. Teaching high school is kind of like writing a poem!

starrlife said...

All I can say is ... whoa!

Liz said...

Too funny! I'm very impressed with Mr. Shriek Bat and his knowledge of similes and metaphors - he must have a great teacher ;)

McEwens said...

HOLY COW!! NO clothes and not embarrassed and it took the threat of a camera... good grief

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm going to hug my kindergartener even tighter when I leave in a second to pick him up at school.

And thank the teacher twice.

Em

Duchess said...

Are you old enough to have read the book -- or seen the movie -- Up the Down Staircase?

I guess the teenagers from those days grew up, but your post proves there are always more where they come from. And they aren't that different.

sherri said...

More power to you, teaching teenagers seems like such a challenge. One that it sounds like you are more than up for.

Lynn - the piggy bank painter said...

<('(..)')>

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Binks - welcome! The only one I have to hold myself back from hurling somewhere sometimes is my own at home.

Shaunna - let's hope they mature a lot before they start voting.

just b - ; -) repetition. yes. you can tell you do this too.

liz and starr - thank-you. but I swear soon i will do a post on own of my off days.

eudia, sherri and lynn - thank-you

Duchess - I did see the movie a long time ago. I think I was a teen myself. I should watch it again.
mcewan - oiii they did have their clothes on for sure. I just worded it confusingly.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Me again. I just wanted to tell you that I've given you an award. You can pick it up on my site. Congrats!

Queen Bee said...

This is probably one of the funniest things I've read in a while. I'm vodka mom's intern in kindergarten and I never realized how alike our grades can be. (It also took me back to my high school days)

smiles4u said...

I work at an alternative high school and I get to hear conversations like this. I get to hear a lot of things that I really don't want to hear...I am told way too much information.

You sound like a great teacher...thank you for all that you do every day.

Ella said...

first time visit - came over through wordless wednesday - and i must say, i'd rather teach the 5 year olds! oof!

Jaime said...

Hilarious post! I don't know how you deal with teenagers, honestly! Too much drama for me. When I taught, it was third graders. They said some pretty crazy stuff too. Anyhow, enjoy being saucy today!

Beth said...

As the mother of a kindergarten boy, this is an equal combination of funny and scary to read . . . in just 10 years that will be my boy!!

Trina said...

I loved your entry. I have 3 teenagers, soon to be 4. All 5 of my kids will be teens-yes, simultaneously. I think I may steal this idea just with a conversation in our home. Yep, that'll be my next entry, the conversation that starts when my last kid walks through the door after school. Feel free to check my blog for it tomorrow.

Lora said...

oh, geez. yep, sounds about right!

A Psych Mommy said...

I work in education--this is too funny! Great Blog, and happy SITS day!

Trina said...

I did steel your idea. Feel free to come visit. You can see the similarities between high school and my house right after kids get home from high school (and middle school and elementary). I noticed you posted my comment before I posted my entry. I reread yours because I thought it was so funny. Thanks again.