Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Spin Cycle: Dating (Sorta Kinda)

I learned the hard way that it’s not usually a good idea to go out with someone for looks alone. I’m thinking that I’m not alone here- that most people figure this out the hard way. However, mine was hard in the, “I did not realize what an asshat I, myself, could be kind of way.”

So it’s the summer of 1978. I had broken up with my boyfriend of four years and had set sail on the rough waters of dating. Little did I know that I would be bouncing around in this boat for the next five years before my next serious relationship. Let’s just say I was not so good at the whole dating thing. The next five years would be like trying to sail around the world in a dingy, with spots of bad weather.

Although I would not be 21 until November, that posed no problemo as I of course had a fake ID. The first tool to hanging out in bars, the best place to meet guys, or so we all thought at the time.

In the suburb where I graduated from high school, the hangouts were mostly restaurants with either live band bars attached, or little mini discos. Months later, I would venture the 40 mile stretch of the 101 and go out in LA proper. But I started off small potatoes with my high school friends.

So one night we were at one of the mini discos and this totally hot guy was there. He looked like a younger, more accessible version of Gino Vannelli and I had a crush on Gino Vannelli (he had come in to where I worked one night).


Stop judging me. It was 1978 and I was 20.

My friends and I were doing the hair toss maneuver on an Olympic level. When hot guy looked over to check us out, he and I made eye contact.

Oh yeah baby, he walked right over and asked me to dance smack dab in front of my friends.

Me. The Rookie who had not dated since 11th grade. Who was making my debut in the bar circuit.

Looks can be deceiving. And not always in a “your hot and handsome but a total dickwad” genre.

In retrospect, my friends (who had been hitting the bars for months) probably set me up. I actually just thought of this now while writing.

Anywhos, Mr. Totally Hot and I hit the dance floor and he danced like a geek from Mars. Or Planet Erkel. He was a misguided, bizarre version of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And he kept pointing at me. Even SINGING TO ME. LOUD. The song was Rick James “Superfreak.”

He had both hands pointed in my direction, was dramatically nodding his head yes, was singing at me, and the crème de la crème, he was coming at me in crotch first jerks and jolts.

My friends were laughing their asses off.


You would think that would be the end of the story. But I actually gave him my number. He was that hot looking. Or I was that desperate (stupid).


I threw the whole weird disco boy out my mind’s back door and gave him a second chance. We made a dinner date for The Hungry Hunter. The “in” steak house.


But he was worse at conversation than he had been at dancing. He tried too hard. He never got the point. He laughed at all the wrong places. Was way too loud.


The poor guy was a complete dork trapped in a hot guy’s face and body. It was one of the most surreal dates I have ever had. He was clueless, but he did try. He was a nice little weirdo in a Rock Star’s form.


After dinner we went to the bar to listen to the band. I was such an ass. I figured that the music was so loud I wouldn’t have to try and keep up an awkward conversation, but could just enjoy sitting there and looking at him (note: be seen with him).


But he leaned across the table and shouted the whole time. He sprayed my face trying to be heard. It was the Niagara Falls coming at me.


He excused himself to go to the bathroom and while he was there another hot guy came up and asked me for my number. This guy was the arrogant SOB I deserved and I was just handing him my phone number when my date returned to the table.


Ack. He looked so wounded. I’ve probably paid for it in blood karma 10 times over.

For more spins on dating, head on over to Sprite's Keeper.

50 comments:

Sandi said...

That story was priceless! I am going to share it with my daughters!

Joanie M said...

I remember the bar scene when I was 21. UGH!

American in Norway said...

OMG.. that could have been ME... LOVE it... LOL

Jan said...

I won't judge your Gino Vannelli crush - I was goo-goo for awhile over Peter Frampton. OMG, the hair...

I'm so sorry, but I had to laaaaaugh my ass off at the description of the Hot Guy dancing. Now my sides hurt.

Sprite's Keeper said...

The hair! The face! The eyebrows! (Tell me the eyebrows had their own agent!)
The pelvic thrusts unfortunately are still considered in, I guess. Too funny! You're linked!

Sniffles and Smiles said...

LOL...very funny! A great read! ~Janine XO

Cid said...

I ... can't ... breathe ... laughing ... too ... hard.

Jack said...

ahhaha! What's that Gino Vanelli song? "Sitting pretty in her dim lit covers ... I say
Black cars look better in the shade"

You are too funny!

Jess said...

LOL...wow!!! I think the worst I ever did was go on vacation and when I got back I just never called the guy I was dating. Terrible way to leave someone...

Linda said...

As soon as I checked my reader I was all OMG! Gino Vannelli!! I was SOOOOO in love with him.
I too dated a Gino Vannelli look alike. What an arse! Took me to a party, promptly forgot about me & got totally wasted in less than an hour. I had to lear to drive a stick and get out of a teeny tiny parking space that night as he barfed out the passenger window. What a winner.

mo.stoneskin said...

"complete dork trapped in a hot guy’s face and body."

Poor thing.

Listen, 1978 is no excuse.

Michel said...

I gotta admit - I'm judging your Gino Vanelli crush.

I realize the 70s were rough and all, but there is no excuse for that.

Cristin said...

Awesome! I was totally expecting you to tell us that you slept with him despite his dim intellect.... cause he was so hot.. probably what I would have done.

Kristan said...

LOL oh Pseudo. Well I'm glad you can look back on this and laugh. Makes me feel less guilty! :)

Kate Lord Brown said...

Ha! Superfreaky indeed - for some reason I'm picturing Austin Powers :)

skyewriter said...

I am so relieved that you did not to the horizontal hula with this person. If he can't dance, sing, or talk... oh, the horror!

Fake ID, bad taste in good looking guys, weird crushes on men with mullets- have you been reading my journals?

Amy said...

You win some and lose some I guess. I had a fake I.D. also. I thought I was so cool.

only a movie said...

The description of the dancing is gold...
I was probably not very nice to un-hot, yet nice young men when I was a young hipster. Definitely had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Oh, and the fake I.D. stories I have...

creative kerfuffle said...

omg tooooo funny! the dancing scene, hole.e.crap. and yeah, stupidly back then i probably would have slept w/ him and rued the day.

Casey said...

For a minute there, I thought you were going to tell us that it was Mr Pseudo. Phew! Dating sucks, I'm so glad I'm past that stage in my life.

Lisa said...

totally love this story- it has every, even gino vanelli.........i willl not judge, i will not judge..........

bernthis said...

Sad to say not much has changed at all. The men are just older

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

There seems to be pro and con Gino camps. Hmm. Wonder if it is an age thing....

And no no no I did not sleep with him. As skyewriter says, "he can't dance, sing, or talk..."

Fragrant Liar said...

Gino Vanelli? Puh-leeze! Barry Gibb tromped Vanelli all over the stage. I mean . . .

That crotch grabbing and pumping? Why do guys do that? Do they REALLY think we like that?

Kaylen said...

Ugh, i hate hate hate dating!! For this exact reason.
You find someone who looks right, but they are ridiculous in so many ways.
Or you pass over someone who looks ridiculous but would probably act right in so many ways.
Sad.
I hate this game.
But I love your story!!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I love your story! HI-larious! I dated a hot guy once that I wished would just keep his mouth shut...you know, just sit there and look pretty, because he was such a doofus when he spoke...No brain, no headache! ;)

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Awwww, poor guy! LOL

Of course, I am living vicariously thru you and these spins because I got married when I was "twelve" so i have no dating experience. *wink*

The Rambler said...

Superfreak...supahfreak...

Oh...sorry.

Who DOESN'T love dancing like a dork when this song comes on. (LOVE IT.)

Great recap on your dating past :)

Cairo Typ0 said...

She's a superfreak! She's superfreaky! And there's no shame in that. :p

I can't judge, i never went to bars and clubs because i was too worried about rejection. So good for you!! :) You got two hotties in one night! :)

Brigit said...

Oh my god, the 70's and Gino. I've still got a couple of his records. I'll have to get them out now and have a look at the covers that once made me swoon.

I went out with a hot guy once, (mind you I too thought Gino was hot). Not only couldn't he dance. He couldn't kiss! I wasn't overly concerned about him not being able to dance and I thought I'd be able to teach him to kiss. All I will say is if they can't dance, don't ever go any further.

Vodka Mom said...

That is a hysterical story! I've had a similar experience with what I thought was the most HANDSOME guy I had ever seen. He showed up for our date with BRIGHT RED suspenders, etc.

jesus.

Hit 40 said...

You weren't married!!! Hand out your # to whomever you want. The guy was a dork.

I was just glad that you did not end your story with an STD.

starrlife said...

Oh my God! I lived on Long Island and it was FULL of Gino look alikes that thrust their hips! That really made me laugh- dating really sucks.

Ann's Rants said...

Ack. Awkward hotness. You must've been trying to right the situation in your mind over and over, and then SHPRITZ another spittake in your face.

Great post.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

There was a world full of Gino's?

American in Norway said...

I was bitching about a mother inviting 10 out of 12 boys in the class...passing them out in front of the other kids... COME ON!. & some nice mommies thought it was wrong to bitch about it on MY blog.. Whatevea! : )

Jennifer Juniper said...

Oh the days of dating seem so long ago...I was more of a Shawn Cassidy girl - I liked me some pretty boys.

The stories of dates gone wrong seems to make it all better. I kissed another boy at my Sr. Prom (I went with a "friend", I thought). Karma is a bitch, I agree.

Deb said...

gino vannelli?! girl, i'm not judging... i am high fiving!

I am Harriet said...

Hi there.
Great post!
I'm stopping by via SITS to say hello.

Rachel said...

eeeeeeeeeeeeeee. How traumatic! I hate talking to a spitter. Makes you wonder what he's doing now, if maybe he got some social skills.

sherri said...

and for using the term asshat and having a crush, really - for even mentioning, Gino Vanelli, I salute you.

Dingo said...

Oh God, the finger pointing, head nodding, pelvic thrusting vision you created in my mind will never go away. Curse you!

But Gino Vannelli? All I'm going to say is that he's still touring and I have a feeling you already have tickets.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Ack. My crush was based on meeting him in person. He was very sexy up close. He came into the vet clinic where I worked and he had an Irish Wolfhound. Big guy taking care of his big dog that he loved.

I have never been to one of his concerts. To be honest, only know a couple of his songs....

Beth said...

That you will admit to a moment of bitchiness makes me love you even more.

BTW - my husband can't dance (don't tell him). He looks like a maimed Kewpie doll when he does dance. And I love it! Thankfully, he can carry on a conversation.

Gaston Studio said...

Oh yes, the dating of the good looking ones vs those who can actually carry on a conversation! Been there, done that; haven't we all?

Great story telling Pseudo and so glad he didn't turn out to be Mr. P.

Left you something at my place; please come by to pick up.
Jane

D'Arcy said...

I was watching Sex and the City last night and CArrie and Charlotte are cruising for men. Charlotte points out an attractive man to CArrie. Carrie responds, "Oh no, he's too good looking. Good looking men are never good in bed because they never had to be."


Words of wisdom.


However, my first huge relationship was with the captain of the football team/student body president gorgeous man and he's still a dear friend. He taught me that sometimes goodlooking men CAN be good inside too.

Mrsbear said...

Oh no, how did you ever get past the Superfreak serenade and crotch jerking?

The ending of your second date was a tad awkward, but at least you didn't have to worry about him calling again. ;)

gigidiaz said...

Alright, I won't judge, but only cause I wasnt born in 1978 so I have no right to judge. Anyway. That poor guy... I hope he found another gorgeous dork with whom to dance-in their own awkward style-and spend his dorky life.

And, for the record, if I ever met a guy who danced like that I would totally give him my number too. I would also ask him to come out EVERY time I went dancing with friends. No better entertainment!

alntv said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a funny story. The 70's was awesome. The music. The clothes. The hair! LOL

Nice story! Hopefully you recovered and eventually made better choices...

Oz Girl said...

Hysterical story. How well I remember the bar scene. I lugged my camera and took pics of all us girls, thinking and saying that someday I'd have these great pics when I was in a nursing home.... I didn't realize this day would come so fast. I'm not in a nursing home yet, but gaw, I look at these pics now and go WHA??!!

We even sync'd a dance to do on-stage with our fav bar band. And a guy friend took pics of us that first night we did it... the crowd loved it of course. Hmmm, maybe I should do a post on that, with PICS. Maybe I should reconsider already. LOL