Sometimes I think we are here just to overcome our bad habits. The obstacles, the challenges, the suffering. It's all just a way to point us towards what we need to work on.
But that just might be me.
At any rate, Jen's spin topic this week is bad habits and I have such a wealth to choose from it's taken me a day or two to narrow it down.
I'll go with a bad habit that I actually have been working on for over 25 years.
Bad habit: interrupting others.
Goal: be a better listener.
When I first moved to Hawaii I did not realize the conversational habits that I grew up with were not the best. I come from a loud family where people interrupt each other constantly. Finishing each others' thoughts.
People in Hawaii are quieter as a rule, better listeners, more humble than the native LA crowd I grew up with...
The first time someone straight up told me I had interrupted him and it was not so much appreciated, I have to admit I was a little taken aback. Slightly offended. Did he not realize what a compliment it was that I was so excited about what he was saying, so excited that I knew where he was going, so happy to be able to not only finish his thought but add my own to it...
Yeah. I was THAT person.
When I realized it I decided I did not want to be that person.
However, it's not been easy. Bad habits are hard to work out of oneself.
So I have been working on being a better, more compassionate, listener for 25 years now.
Ironically, it irritates me to be around interrupters or conversation hoggers these days.
That's why I had to add in the compassion component.
For more Spins on bad habits, head on over to Sprite's Keeper!
15 comments:
You and I are cut from the same cloth! I don't get called out when I interrupt, but I should. I need to stop myself before speaking when it's not my turn or at least apologize and call MYSELF out. I need to work on this. Thank you, Pseudo for putting this at the top of my list. You're linked!
that is def not easy...i struggle with ramblers...so i tend to cut them to the quick...when i should probably just listen...
Oh my. I **was** a complainer. Someones polite "Hi, how are you?" turned in to "OMG I feel like crap! And the traffic today! Nothing but idiots on the road!" Yea. So I decided that if I didn't have anything nice to say I wouldn't say anything at all.
I didn't speak for almost a week:D
Yup, I do that, too. PB calls me out on it sometimes. Add it to the list.
25 years? Lol crap, that's one of my flaws too, and I've only been working on it for like 2 years. This is gonna be a long road...
(Seriously, EVERYTHING in this post fits me to a T too.)
I had that habit early on with my ex, and he got irritated when I'd finish his sentences, so I had to retrain myself to just wait and listen. It worked though!
More confirmation on how similar we really are. Would be happy to have an in person conversation - we could interrupt each other for hours...!
I'm bad about that too!
I agree about it resulting from your family. Same thing with me. You don't realize until later that there are quiet families. Well at least I stopped throwing stuff.
Good for you! I have a small contingent of those in my immediate family.
Interesting that the interrupter you used to be is now irritating to you in other people when they do it. Ha.
Good for you though, for deciding it was not an attractive or welcome habit and to make yourself aware of how you want to be a better listener.
I struggle with this one also though I have to say I am not as bad as the husband is or maybe he does it just with me. I'm forever telling him that question a question in the middle of my tale is distracting and annoying. Then again, maybe it's because my tale is boring. Hmmmm... I think I need new tales.
My mom has a habit of topping any story she hears. I think she does it so she can show that she relates to the person she's talking too. She comes across as pushy and self-centered.
Unfortunately, I have found myself trying to do that too. I've had to try to just keep my mouth shut and let other people talk. It's not so easy when that's what you know.
Good luck in your quest to become a better listener! I've been working on that one, too. : )
I remember telling date after several interruptions that I wasn't happy about that. He thanked me - and then went right back to interrupting! I guess our conversational habits are resistant to change.
Post a Comment