The Beauty Chorus: Guest Post Equals Published Author

Hey there. I know I've been MIA again and missed a TTT, but I'm working on it. I've got a travel post on the back burner for next week, a little trip through Waikiki.

Meanwhile. Happy Easter! Happy Spring! Happy New Beginnings.

I've got a treat for you all. One of the first bloggers I met out here, Kate - from What Kate Did Next - has her debut novel out and has generously guest posted for me in my absence. Kate is amazing. Enjoy....

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Hello everyone – and thank you to Pseudo for hosting me today. In her honour, I’d like us to consider teachers. Sometimes I think school teachers must have the patience of saints. Maybe you are the same, but I find two children quite enough of a handful. Leading up to the publication of my first book I’ve been thinking a lot about the amazing people who held my hand as I learnt, and opened my eyes to the beauty of words.

Really great teachers change children's lives – I know a few of mine did.
While scores of other teachers have been forgotten, I often think of the remarkable men and women who inspired me, who taught me that words, that art matters just as much as quadratic equations and the Periodic table.

There was Mr S, who swept through the flagstone corridors of my senior school, black gown flapping. He was formidable, rigorous – but when he smiled he looked like Alfred E Neumann’s grandfather. He rolled the words of Chaucer and Auden round his mouth with relish like gobstoppers, and he wasn’t averse to flinging a blackboard eraser at the head of anyone who wasn’t paying attention. He also gave me the nickname that stuck the whole way through school – Claude.

And what about Mrs G, our English teacher at prep school? It was rumoured she knocked off steamy bestsellers for Mills & Boon when she wasn’t teaching wide-eyed schoolgirls about D H Lawrence, Byron and Shelly.

Who were your great teachers? Looking back and knowing now just how wonderful but tough it is coping with your own children half the time, I think I admire them more than I ever did.

During a tutorial, I remember Mr S wistfully saying one day as he gazed out of the old stone window across the frozen quadrangle: ‘Claude, sometimes when I look at the essays I wrote in Cambridge, it amazes me that I was ever capable of such dazzling work.’ Maybe that is what great teachers do – they take that fire, that dazzling enthusiasm and pass it on like a torch to the next generations. Some of the kids will let the torch sputter and die, but some of them will take it and run like the wind.

Kate Lord Brown’s début ‘The Beauty Chorus’ is being published by Corvus Atlantic 1/4/11 http://thebeautychorus.blogspot.com

Available at Amazon


THE BEAUTY CHORUS – PUBLISHER’S OUTLINE:

Romance, glamour and adventure in the skies: an enthralling debut inspired by female pilots in World War Two. 166 women signed up to fly Spitfires and bombers from factories to airfields across the country. It was an adventure that would cost many their lives.

New Year’s Eve 1940: Evie Chase, the beautiful debutante daughter of an RAF commander, listens wistfully to the swing music drifting out from the ballroom. With bombs falling nightly in London, she is determined to make a difference to the war effort. Evie joins the ATA – the civilian pilots who ferry fighter planes to bases across war-torn Britain. Two other women wait nervously to join up with her – Stella Grainger, a forlorn young mother from Singapore, and Megan Jones, an idealistic teenager who has never left her Welsh village before. Billeted together in a tiny cottage, Stella, Megan and Evie learn to live and work together as they find romance, confront loss and forge friendships that last a lifetime.

Hawaii: The goods, the bads, and the bathrooms

Jen from Sprite's Keeper is guest blogging today. Jen hosts the Spin Cycle each week and is a great storyteller, not to mention one of the sweetest bloggers out there. Her post was penciled in for Sunday, but I think my SPAM detector ate her email. Here it is a bit belated - thanks Jen!

Aloha! Welcome to Pseudo's site! A hardy welcome to those who visit regularly and a big mahalo to those who followed me over from Sprite's Keeper. It's also Vodkamom's birthday (belated)! Time to break out the liquor, the baked goods, and raise a toast to life!

Okay, folks, gather round, Pseudo has introduced you to her Hawaii, the Native's Hawaii. Today, we're going to talk about the tourist's Hawaii and a time back in June of 2000 when a young engaged couple (Yes, it was John and me.) wanted some excitement in our lives. We wanted something different. Adventurous, and we wanted it to be somewhere near family so we could save on hotel costs..... OAHU!

We decided to leave the hot humid air of Fort Lauderdale and travel 9 hours by plane to the...hot, humid air of Hawaii... Hm.. hindsight's a bitch. Anyway, we had seven days to explore the island of Oahu and visit with my sister, whose husband was stationed there for the Army, and my nephew whowas only months old at the time. (Now, he's almost as tall as me.)

John absolutely loved cruising the perimeter of Oahu in our rented little Neon, stopping anywhere we felt good about, and just walking through thepalm trees down to the beach, or discovering the local flora of Waimea Falls. We saw giant sea turtles near the North Shore, whales breaking the ocean's surface just across from Aloha Tower, and climbed Diamond Head with all the other tourists. Diamond Head can be an easy or hard climb depending on how physically fit you are. My then brother-in-law scaled the entire thing in less than 20 minutes while we took our time looking out over the water, sipping our drinks, BREATHING. He took a lot of pictures of us from up above and we looked like tiny ants in those shots. (In fact, the only way I was able to discern myself from the other small forms was that I was the one flipping him off every time.)

While John and I enjoyed our time there, one thing we could not come to terms with was the expense. Back in 2000 when movies were about $7.50 foran evening show, the Waikiki multi-plex was ahead of the game with ten dollar prices. We were warned by my sister to stay away from the touristyspots like Don Ho's place on the main strip since we could expect to part with most of our budget by the time appetizers were ordered, but enjoyedourselves anyway, coming back with less cash and more Mauna Loa Macadamia Nuts covered in chocolate and a pound of Kona coffee. (Best coffee I have ever had.)

I think our biggest adventure though was when we visited Dole Plantation. You see, the route we took to the North Shore from Schofield Barracks is a long long road cutting between two distant carved mountains (every time I see "Lost", I remember those mountains) and thousands of pineapples buried in their red dirt nests, just the fronds peaking through. A pineapple farm! In the middle of what seemed like nowhere!

The more we passed those fields, the more I craved pineapple. We finally made a pit stop one day halfway through our vacation and toured Dole Plantation where we got to pick our own pineapple (my theory on ripeness was the stabbier the sweeter) (and it totally worked too!) and watch them cut it up for our immediate consumption. But once it was cut, it didn't look like enough. So, we bought one more, sure to have enough to share with my sister. Back in our car, we drove some more, enjoying thescenery, me feeding John pieces of juicy pineapple, and of course, biting into it myself.

By the time we made it back to Schofield, the fruits of our labor was down to only rinds. We had wolfed our way through TWO large pineapples. Our lips stung with redness from the citric acid. Our blood pressures pulsed from the flush of sugar. Our bellies ached with the overload of tartness. We finally realized our mistake after the first two trips to the loo. And were punished through the subsequent twenty trips over the next day until the sugar finally worked through our systems. Insulin shock may have been a factor at some point, but we made it out alive. (Although we wouldn't buy pineapple canned or fresh for years after.)

Since coming home, we still talk about Hawaii as being one of the best weeks of our lives and if money wasn't an object, Sprite wasn't so prone to trying to injure herself and others, and I wasn't so afraid of flying and that death thing, we would be back at least twice a year. (More than that would be greedy.) I think that's why Pseudo's tales of the island appeal so much to me. She reminds me of the Hawaii I've seen and tempts me with the Hawaii I haven't. (She's good like that.)

Okay, everyone, time to clean up. Let's leave things a little nicer than the way we found it. Could someone please wipe the cake icing off the walls? The food fight was fun, but Captain Dumbass will be here tomorrow and any mess should really be on his head, not mine.

Aloha!

Mississippi Mama

Mama Dawg was one of my first blog friends. It was back in the beginning where I spent most of my blog time meandering and looking around - checking out blog rolls and never remembering how I got where. Mama had posted a video of her enchanting daughter Light of My Life (LOML). It was their accents and the sweetness of their voices that hooked me. And they were having so much fun together this mother and daughter. I was thrilled when she agreed to take us to Mississippi for Travel Thursday.

Most of y’all don’t know me, but I’m Mama Dawg from over at Two Dogs Running.

When Pseudo asked me to guest post, I was flabbergasted. I mean, she’s an incredible writer and I’m, well…….I’m one of those people that writes the way I talk. Just imagine reading this with a slight Mississippi accent. So, it’s a honor to guest blog over here in sunny, gorgeous, exotic Hawaii. Thanks again Pseudo for this chance.

When I asked what she wanted me to write about, she offered up two choices. Disney or Mississippi.

I was soooooooo tempted to go with the obvious and talk about Disney World. However, I chose to go the other route and give y’all a little taste of my home state.

I grew up in south Jackson and moved away when I was 11. I just moved back a couple of years ago when I was 30. I had lived in Florida and New Orleans prior to moving back.

Having lived in the suburbs all my life, I decided to switch things up and move out to a very tiny town in northeast Mississippi. We have family here, so it’s not like I was moving to a strange place.

However, it was a drastic change. A positive change, but drastic nevertheless.

My daughter was 7 when we moved here. She is truly an amazing kid and adapted quickly to the changes in her life. She’s actually thriving on the small town sense of community. We can never go ANYWHERE without someone stopping and saying hello to her.

I had reservations moving back to Mississippi knowing all of its history. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to raise my daughter in one of the poorest states or one that still has a lingering air of racism connected to it. It was a tough choice, but the positives ended up outweighing the negatives.

I mean, we live in a tiny town where people are named Epsya, Spooky and Birdie.

We live in a place where we can fish at our own creek.

We live in a place where we drag race our dogs.

We live in a place where I can cut sunflowers AND blackberries during the summer.

We live in a place where we have plums that grow on trees right outside of our windows.

We live in a place where it’s normal to have a squirrel as a pet.

We live in a place where you can take all your baby doll furniture outside and play house with your best friend in the front yard. You can even leave all the stuff out overnight and it will still be there the next day!

We live in a place where you can be the queen of the hay bales.

We live in a place where we get just enough snow to make it magical and not a headache.

We live in a place where you can climb really old magnolia trees just for the heck of it.

We live in a place where dogs at a pond make us laugh like fools.



We live in a place where you can live and laugh and love.

It may not be exotic Hawaii, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Later,

Mama Dawg

Never Trust Anyone in a Hawaiian Shirt

Our guest blogger arrives today all the way from acoss the pond, over a continent, and then across another pond. Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin thank-you very much for pitch hitting for Pseudo Land today. If any of you don't read Mo, you really should. Wonderful posts featuring characters from pubs and trains are just some of the fun you will find at Mo's blog. I think I'll send him a Hawaiian shirt as a thank-you present...

He marched up the bus towards me. I hate that march, the one that inevitably results in them infringing on your space. The glare, the determined expression, the realisation that you don't stand a chance. His goofy teeth, splayed like a cog, and Hawaiian shirt – never trust anyone in a Hawaiian shirt (did Pseudo resist editing this out?) –filled me with dread.

Women are not a problem. They are perfectly able to think “oh, there are more free seats behind me, I'll turn back." Men are too stubborn. The bastards. They will storm past a million free seats and get to the point when they think “all the free seats are behind me, but it would be embarrassing to turn back, so I'll sit next to that chump instead."

Phew, I thought, the old man sat in a seat in front of me, across the aisle to my left. In one hand he was clutching a handful of coins, which he repeatedly counted, his other hand held a bus ticket. It hurts to imagine the pain of sitting next to a coin-counter.

The neighbouring seat (across the aisle) was free. Over he leant, looking for coins I think, his beady eyes ever alert. Tip of the day, never try and pick coins up when your hand is full of coins. Clink, clatter, fumble, clatter, clink. He fumbled, he rummaged, he scrambled. The passenger in front kept looking back, disturbed. The white-earphoned (ipod, I assume) bloke to my left was watching in awe. This was one determined old man, I'll tell you that. But a dissatisfied one too, his face told the tale of more coins dropped than found.

I didn't want to laugh, his life was probably the perpetual hell of picking coins up with a coin-filled hand. Maybe he was Sisyphus himself. When he got up to leave I saw he had a huge stretch of stitching across his bum, white thread on blue trousers. Bad choice of thread my coin-counting coin-clenching friend. The irony, and I kid you not, was this. At the exact stop he got off, a lady got on and sat in the seat he had been rummaging under. As she sat there, change spilled out her pockets all over the floor.

RTT: It’s a Sushi Bar Luau. Only With No Hula Dancers. Or Roasted Pigs.

I was delighted when Jan from Jan's Sushi Bar agreed to guest post on Random Tuesday. I always look forward to her Random posts. Well, actually, I look forward to all her posts. Jan has a wonderful sense of humor, is a wonderful writer, and posts recipes to die for (including martini recipes). Thank-you Jan!

Hello, there, all of Pseudo’s regular readers. As you probably all know, Pseudo is taking a bit of a break from her blog and has asked some of us to paddle out here to the mid-Pacific, come ashore on the aisle of Oahu, and sort of take care of the place for her.

Well, twist my arm. When asked which day she’d like me to come and blog-sit, she said, “Tuesday. I love your random thoughts.”

Did you read that, Ex-husband? SOMEONE likes the way I think. Nyah, nyah, nyah.

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Well, The Young One is now officially a man.

He watched Caddyshack for the first time Monday afternoon and loved it.
*sigh* Yes, I knew this day would come.

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How the blue blazes can I have 47 different popup blockers on my computer and STILL get 300 popup windows when I got to certain sites?

Texascooking.com, you are testing my patience – I don’t care HOW good your jalapeno cheesecake recipe is.

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I really, really wish I could remember how this conversation came about, or what we were talking about. But all I remember is how The Young One, with a completely earnest yet disgusted look on his face, asked me:

“But Moooooooooom, how can you look at Beloved naked???”

Well, son, it’s a lot easier than you’d think, but I won’t traumatize you further by telling you that.

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Jen at Sprite’s Keeper told a cute story for the Spin Cycle last week about how she and her husband both forgot their anniversary this year. Although Beloved and I have been “together” for over 10 years now, we haven’t been married long enough (2 1/2 years) to forget our anniversary.

But don’t think I don’t have a story (don’t I always??).

Once, when I was facing an emergency room admitting nurse and was asked my birthday, I came up a complete blank. Beloved, sitting next to me, chirped up, “January 15, 1958.”
How sweet, you all think. Except that is his EX-WIFE’S birthday.

There was no permanent damage done, but I think they’ll be hosting the Winter Olympics in Guatemala before he makes that mistake again.

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A couple of months ago, I posted about a prank played by a friend of my brother’s. The prank consisted of the friend, Englebert, kidnapping lawn flamingos and ransoming them. If you care to read the post, you can do so here. And you really should, because it helps the following video make a little more sense.

And proves I wasn’t making it up, although I had NO idea that it had made national “news” until I told my brother I’d blogged about it. He then gave me the link.

The video is even funnier when you realize that the anchor of the tabloid news show it appeared on is Bill O’Reilly.

For more random thoughts, go visit Keely at The Un-Mom. She’ll take that $32,000 and a picture of Marlon Brando, no questions asked.

The Duggars, Grilled Cheese, and Cannibalism

Welcome Captain Dumbass from Us and Them as guest blogger. I have been a fan of the Captain since my first days blogging. He writes great stories, does hilarious stuff with his boys holding signs, and is amazing with toys and grilled cheese as props posts. He's been nice enough to donate a grilled cheese post while I'm away. Thanks Captain. And look, not red circled items...

Writing a guest post for someone is always a bit daunting for me, especially if it's for someone like Pseudo who can not only write properly, but is a teacher as well. I think I can pen a funny story every once in awhile, but things like spelling, grammar, punctuation, and basic sentence structure aren't exactly my strong suits. Plus, I didn't want to get my post sent back to me with a bunch of red circles on it and homework.

With that in mind, I decided to fall back on something I am good at. Making pictures with grilled cheese. Once I'd decided on grilled cheese, I needed a subject. I've done movie scenes and crime scenes (ketchup and tomato soup) and gourmet food blog pics like when I added mac and cheese to a sandwich, but I wanted something different. Maybe something related to current events. And then I heard that Michelle Duggar of 18 Kids and Counting is expecting baby number 19 and knew I had my focus. Congratulations Jim Bob and Michelle! Oh ya, cannibals.

Sure he's cute, but I have to sleep with one eye open. Ignore the girlish scream at the end, I'm not sure who that is. Mmm, tasty tasty Duggar's.
Captain Dumbass
Us & Them

And Now a Word From Braja

I couldn't be more thrilled. Braja is guest blogging for you today. Braja lives in India, but then You all knew that, didn't you....

If you like pina coladas, and gettin' caught in .... intense peak hour traffic in Calcutta with a million horns honking and driving styles that would make a roundabout in Rome look like an old age home on Xanax, then this is the post for you. You see, Pseudo asked me to guest post. At first I was stumped. "India meets Hawaii???" Now *there's* a union that could give you some thought. So I trained my mind towards Hawaii. There's a few ways to get there from India.
Hey wait! This isn't Salem for cryin' out loud. There are FAR more civilized and advanced ways of travel. And living in India, I've learned some tricks...

And that's where we're at today: meditation. Hawaii is an ancient culture with advanced techniques for meditation that leave the world in awe of their depth and stunned at their ability to conquer intricate techniques, ancient rituals, and complicated processes like this:

India, however, possibly goes a little further, a tad deeper, a smidgen more complicated (damned show offs, what with Sanskrit and mantras and all), and has for many years led the world with time-proven methods of meditation like this:

In the end, it's all Greek to me and my conclusion is we should all just stand around and do more of this:

Works for me.

Come back soon Pseudo...xo

More Virtual Travels

I'm guest blogging for Amy over at Keeping Up with the Schultz Family while she and her family take a trip. Hope you can hop on over and see me there.

Spinning on the Panhandle

I'm guest posting over at Sprite's Keeper today. Please hop on over!

New feature in PseudoLand. In the sidebar is a photo of a pretty sunset. If you click on it it will take you to a blogpost that I find amazing. I've been meaning to do something like this, to share the blog love.... I always have the intention of doing a weekly wrap up with links, but that hasn't been happening lately.

Today's feature touched my heart and made me cry.

BTW Thank-you Braja for your diamond link. Because it inspired my sunset link...

In Ohio Today..

My sweet young writer friend Kristan Hoffman asked me to guest post while she's away at a workshop. So please come on over and visit me in Ohio.

Also, Braja has a link to help Joanie. Joanie has a lot on her plate right now and she could use some help.

Hey Y'all, Come Check Me Out in Mississsippi

I'm guest posting today at Two Dogs Running. I'm down in Mississippi while Mama Dawg and her sweet daughter Light of My Life live it up at Disneyworld. So follow me on over folks! This is a big first for me in blogging.