I went to Zumba with Daughter on Thanksgiving and Friday.
Zumba Jen added a new song and Daughter prepped me by showing me the video ahead of time.
So much fun. I laugh my ass off every time I watch this and I had a smile grinning like a crazy rotting Jock O' Lantern through the whole number in class.
Which is saying a lot because I am usually swearing under my breath about what the fuck I was thinking half way through the class when I would like to quit early but all the ladies even older than me are acting like its a cakewalk.
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label WTF. Show all posts
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Perfuckity Part II
Follow up from the last post. Proper names have been changed and the italic text is an add on that I held back in the real letter. As true as it is, I figure best not to alienate the doctor...need to give her a chance to do the right thing and not put her on the defensive. Yet.
Dear Dr. Fucked it Up:
Attached you will find the letter that my sister wrote to appeal the denial of our mother’s long term health care insurance. We would appreciate you reading it and keeping it in our mother’s file. Hopefully the appeal will go through and her long term health care insurance will activate, alleviating a lot of the problems for our mother’s care.
I am very sad and frustrated that things could not have gone more smoothly. I tried reaching out to you in June and explaining how difficult things can get with our mother, but she has charmed and misled many people before and you are not the first. However, allowing our mom to talk you into changing her insurance application was not only possibly fraudulent, but also a gross mistake on your part. You might have saved her a few hundred dollars in assisted living fees, but now her insurance has been denied based on your revised and inaccurate account of our mother’s needs and health status. Our family is extremely frustrated that everything we feared is manifesting despite our best intentions and efforts.
Allow me to elaborate a bit for background and context.
Our mother has been mentally ill our entire lives. I’m not going to go into a detailed history, but suffice it to say that when my parents divorced in 1974, the courts granted custody of my younger sister and me to our father due to our mom’s documented mental instability.
In 2007, I spent a week at her house cleaning out the mess of her hoarding in preparation of her moving into assisted living. It took six trips to the dump and 10 to the Goodwill to make her place habitable again (60 phone books dating back to the 80’s being the tip of the iceberg). At the time she promised that she would continue to let us help her by sending us her insurance information and allowing us to help her straighten out her finances to get her ready for long term care. It never happened. Every time any of us would mention to her the steps she needed to take, she would become irrational and lash out verbally; or hang up on us and avoid us until she thought we would drop the subject.
During the months of her downward spiral this last year (the falls, the increased hoarding, complete lack of safe behaviors, and medical emergencies) we continued to try to help her. Despite her lying, her manipulations, her psychotic rants and phone calls, and her complete lack of cooperation. When we felt completely impotent, we called in adult protective services. We had no choice. Mom would not let any family in past the guarded gate of her adult community. She was completely irrational on the phone and had reached the point where she was saying she “wanted to die” when she could not manipulate us into doing things her way. Her way is what got her into this mess in the first place. Her way is not being responsible for herself or for us or for our families. We are no longer children cowed and frightened by her, but adults just trying to act in her own best interests. It takes an enormous amount of effort to not become an enabler to our mother.
One of the most problematic behaviors of Mom is her mismanagement of money. An example. In the late 1970’s she inherited from her mother, our grandmother, a paid for house and the balance of my grandparents’ savings. Mom was already living in a 100% paid for home that my grandmother had bought her after the divorce. Mom quit her job and sold the mobile home and lived off that for about a year. Then she began refinancing the house and living off that. I was in my early 20’s at the time and my sisters were both living far away. It was like beating my head against a wall trying to talk sense into my mom. I begged her to rein herself in before she ended up without anything, but that is exactly what happened.
We thought the years of working and living paycheck to paycheck might have turned her around, but that is not the case. When she found out she could again get credit, she took all the credit any card would give her. She is now in a lot of debt on her charge cards, but won’t tell us how much. We wanted to file bankruptcy for her and set up her finances so the portion of her rent at the assisted living home after insurance, as well as her insurance payments and prescriptions, would be doable. That is why my nephew insisted on her allowing my sister POA. However, Mom’s neurotic behavior and psychotic outbursts have exasperated my sister’s MS and made it impossible for her to help our mom.
We love our mom and have stuck with her for decades, but we cannot let our families or ourselves be taken down either financially or emotionally by her worst behaviors. My nephew has generously stepped up and paid the first three months of Mom’s rent while waiting for the insurance kick in. Had you and the assisted living home supported us in our efforts to curb Mom’s self-destructive behaviors everything would be in place and fine at this moment in time.
The POA hasn’t done any good as Mom is still free to sabotage our efforts. The professionals I have consulted with over here in Hawaii tell me that what she needs is a conservatorship as she is incapable of making sound and rational decisions about her finances or her care. The family thinks a third party conservator, perhaps appointed by the courts, would be a viable solution as Mom doesn’t trust her daughters. And, quite frankly, we don’t trust her. Also, she might be less inclined to go into manipulative and neurotic behaviors; hopefully she will settle down and enjoy that she is in a safe place and that everything is lined up for her best interests.
Thank-you for your time,
Dear Dr. Fucked it Up:
Attached you will find the letter that my sister wrote to appeal the denial of our mother’s long term health care insurance. We would appreciate you reading it and keeping it in our mother’s file. Hopefully the appeal will go through and her long term health care insurance will activate, alleviating a lot of the problems for our mother’s care.
I am very sad and frustrated that things could not have gone more smoothly. I tried reaching out to you in June and explaining how difficult things can get with our mother, but she has charmed and misled many people before and you are not the first. However, allowing our mom to talk you into changing her insurance application was not only possibly fraudulent, but also a gross mistake on your part. You might have saved her a few hundred dollars in assisted living fees, but now her insurance has been denied based on your revised and inaccurate account of our mother’s needs and health status. Our family is extremely frustrated that everything we feared is manifesting despite our best intentions and efforts.
Allow me to elaborate a bit for background and context.
Our mother has been mentally ill our entire lives. I’m not going to go into a detailed history, but suffice it to say that when my parents divorced in 1974, the courts granted custody of my younger sister and me to our father due to our mom’s documented mental instability.
In 2007, I spent a week at her house cleaning out the mess of her hoarding in preparation of her moving into assisted living. It took six trips to the dump and 10 to the Goodwill to make her place habitable again (60 phone books dating back to the 80’s being the tip of the iceberg). At the time she promised that she would continue to let us help her by sending us her insurance information and allowing us to help her straighten out her finances to get her ready for long term care. It never happened. Every time any of us would mention to her the steps she needed to take, she would become irrational and lash out verbally; or hang up on us and avoid us until she thought we would drop the subject.
During the months of her downward spiral this last year (the falls, the increased hoarding, complete lack of safe behaviors, and medical emergencies) we continued to try to help her. Despite her lying, her manipulations, her psychotic rants and phone calls, and her complete lack of cooperation. When we felt completely impotent, we called in adult protective services. We had no choice. Mom would not let any family in past the guarded gate of her adult community. She was completely irrational on the phone and had reached the point where she was saying she “wanted to die” when she could not manipulate us into doing things her way. Her way is what got her into this mess in the first place. Her way is not being responsible for herself or for us or for our families. We are no longer children cowed and frightened by her, but adults just trying to act in her own best interests. It takes an enormous amount of effort to not become an enabler to our mother.
One of the most problematic behaviors of Mom is her mismanagement of money. An example. In the late 1970’s she inherited from her mother, our grandmother, a paid for house and the balance of my grandparents’ savings. Mom was already living in a 100% paid for home that my grandmother had bought her after the divorce. Mom quit her job and sold the mobile home and lived off that for about a year. Then she began refinancing the house and living off that. I was in my early 20’s at the time and my sisters were both living far away. It was like beating my head against a wall trying to talk sense into my mom. I begged her to rein herself in before she ended up without anything, but that is exactly what happened.
We thought the years of working and living paycheck to paycheck might have turned her around, but that is not the case. When she found out she could again get credit, she took all the credit any card would give her. She is now in a lot of debt on her charge cards, but won’t tell us how much. We wanted to file bankruptcy for her and set up her finances so the portion of her rent at the assisted living home after insurance, as well as her insurance payments and prescriptions, would be doable. That is why my nephew insisted on her allowing my sister POA. However, Mom’s neurotic behavior and psychotic outbursts have exasperated my sister’s MS and made it impossible for her to help our mom.
We love our mom and have stuck with her for decades, but we cannot let our families or ourselves be taken down either financially or emotionally by her worst behaviors. My nephew has generously stepped up and paid the first three months of Mom’s rent while waiting for the insurance kick in. Had you and the assisted living home supported us in our efforts to curb Mom’s self-destructive behaviors everything would be in place and fine at this moment in time.
The POA hasn’t done any good as Mom is still free to sabotage our efforts. The professionals I have consulted with over here in Hawaii tell me that what she needs is a conservatorship as she is incapable of making sound and rational decisions about her finances or her care. The family thinks a third party conservator, perhaps appointed by the courts, would be a viable solution as Mom doesn’t trust her daughters. And, quite frankly, we don’t trust her. Also, she might be less inclined to go into manipulative and neurotic behaviors; hopefully she will settle down and enjoy that she is in a safe place and that everything is lined up for her best interests.
Thank-you for your time,
Sunday, October 31, 2010
More Perfuckity
If blogging was a regular job, I'd have been fired months ago.
But I keep the blog going; it represents my hopes for getting back to me time.
New home, new job, staying on top of things so unbloggableness doesn't rear its ugly head. Yeah, it keeps me busy.
Lately, the problems of caring for our elderly mother have resurfaced. Those of you here last summer might remember. Those of you who helped me with phone calls and emails are forever in my grateful prayers.
Nutshell:
Despite mom's outbursts, manipulations, and craziness; we got her into the assisted living place she wanted. I should not say we as I take no credit. My nephew and niece in California physically moved her days (minutes) before she would have been evicted.
My nephew paid for her first three months (her long term health care does not kick in until after three months).
Mom's doctor had the paperwork for her insurance application. Mom needed help with her meds, big time. She needed help bathing and dressing as she had fallen three times - breaking her arm twice and splitting open her head once. She needed help with her finances and paperwork as she was declared "mildly" incompetent. Mildly my ass.
Once in, you would think she would be grateful and relax.
But no.
She fought my sister (who took the responsibility of POA). Mom would not let my sister do anything. POA doesn't override my mom, just makes sis partners. Mom's doctor didn't think mom was crazy and incompetent enough to sign off on a conservatorship.
Doc did, however, change mom's insurance application at mom's request. She took off the check marks for bathing, dressing, and meds help. Just left the mildly incompetent. This was to save mom money as each need adds more to the bill.
Doc did not bother to notice mom's insurance won't cover her for only one check mark.
The assisted living home let it slide (they were getting paid).
Now, mom's insurance got denied and suddenly they are calling my sister and nephew more often than the stupid political campaigns.
Ever had one of those years where EVERYTHING was difficult. A challenge.
So. NOW they (and mom) want our help.
I'm posting the letter I wrote to the doctor tomorrow. Any of you ever get in a similar position, feel free to take it and revise it for your own.
But I keep the blog going; it represents my hopes for getting back to me time.
New home, new job, staying on top of things so unbloggableness doesn't rear its ugly head. Yeah, it keeps me busy.
Lately, the problems of caring for our elderly mother have resurfaced. Those of you here last summer might remember. Those of you who helped me with phone calls and emails are forever in my grateful prayers.
Nutshell:
Despite mom's outbursts, manipulations, and craziness; we got her into the assisted living place she wanted. I should not say we as I take no credit. My nephew and niece in California physically moved her days (minutes) before she would have been evicted.
My nephew paid for her first three months (her long term health care does not kick in until after three months).
Mom's doctor had the paperwork for her insurance application. Mom needed help with her meds, big time. She needed help bathing and dressing as she had fallen three times - breaking her arm twice and splitting open her head once. She needed help with her finances and paperwork as she was declared "mildly" incompetent. Mildly my ass.
Once in, you would think she would be grateful and relax.
But no.
She fought my sister (who took the responsibility of POA). Mom would not let my sister do anything. POA doesn't override my mom, just makes sis partners. Mom's doctor didn't think mom was crazy and incompetent enough to sign off on a conservatorship.
Doc did, however, change mom's insurance application at mom's request. She took off the check marks for bathing, dressing, and meds help. Just left the mildly incompetent. This was to save mom money as each need adds more to the bill.
Doc did not bother to notice mom's insurance won't cover her for only one check mark.
The assisted living home let it slide (they were getting paid).
Now, mom's insurance got denied and suddenly they are calling my sister and nephew more often than the stupid political campaigns.
Ever had one of those years where EVERYTHING was difficult. A challenge.
So. NOW they (and mom) want our help.
I'm posting the letter I wrote to the doctor tomorrow. Any of you ever get in a similar position, feel free to take it and revise it for your own.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Sitting Here in Limbo
What I want to know is this?? Has anyone ever died from living with teenagers? The angst? The mood swings? The drama?
What happens when you put a volatile teenage boy with horrible impulse control, a smart ass mouth, and a tenacity the likes of which should be harnessed and used to heat all homes in the Midwest in the same house with an edgy, quick tempered father who is worried about finances and having his hours cut at work?
There are days when I do believe the answer to the above question is this. What happens is you create a mother who has brief periods of thinking about becoming a hobo. Hopping a train with a backpack, a notepad, and a good book sounds like a peaceful life compared to the shit storm of living with boys and men.
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