I'll be back July 18th....
Meanwhile, here's some not fun facts concerning the problems we are having with my mom.
Not a post for everyone, so don't feel obligated to read on. I am hoping for someone(s) in the fields of medicine, social services, elderly services, mental health services, or anything along any of these lines to point me in a direction. Perhaps someone has walked this path before me.
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My mom needs to go into assisted living. She has several health problems and has fallen three times in the last couple of months. She has given herself a concussion, a broken hand, and a broken wrist. Her doctor has encouraged her to use her long term health insurance for two years and has been ready to sign off on the forms.
When I was in California last (2007) I stayed at her house to help her. She is a hoarder. It took me a week to clear the spare room, the garage, and the peripheries of the living areas. The only reason my mom allowed me to do this was so she could claim my sister who lives by her "never got off her ass to help." We all knew this was not true and that my sister had been trying to get my mom to allow her to clear out some stuff, but we rarely call mom out on her antics.
Situation of late:
- Mom has not paid rent since May 1st. She had been working part time and the woman she worked for died. Mom claims she got an eviction notice last week, but won't let anyone see it and she keeps changing her story of the date of the eviction.
- Mom has taken out several credit cards with big limits over the last several years. She has maxed them out, to what degree we have no idea. ( I have written letters to my elected officials about the WTF situation of non-regulation is in place when a woman in her late 70's, with a bankruptcy in her past, no assets, and only part time work can have access to large amounts of credit she will never be able to repay.)
- Mom lives in a retirement community. One cannot get past the guarded gate without a pass. Mom took my sister and niece (who live close to her) off the gate pass list and has not allowed them in for a year. Not even lately in this crisis situation. Every time she tells them they can come and help her pack, they get there and there is no pass and she will not answer her phone.
- Mom has mental health problems. Never diagnosed as she refuses to acknowledge any mental health problems. But..... believe me, it's a huge part of the larger picture.
- Mom did not save up a single cent for retirement. She came from money and inherited from my grandparents, but blew it all. She made money when she worked, but she spent it all. Her long term health insurance does not kick in until the fourth month. Mom wants us all to pitch in and pay for the first four months, but it is way more than the cash we can come up with.
- We have been told that these assisted living places will sometimes negotiate on the dollar amount for the time before the insurance kicks in, but since Mom will not give my sister POA, the assisted living home will not negotiate with my sister unless she has POA.
- All of these issues have added up to Mom being a bit more crazy than usual, even for her, including using suicide threats as a manipulation tool.
Her doctor and my sister both called elderly services, but so far the social worker has said my mom has rights. The social worker has not done much to help us.
My sisters and I have taken a stand and told mom that unless she signs a POA over to my sister that lives close by, we are not giving her any money. We need to figure out her finances and move her quickly and safely and with her daily fits and mood swings and mind games, time is a wasting.
So. Any suggestions?