Sunday, September 28, 2008

Circa 1993

Walking the Border Collie this morning I took a different route than usual. I have been told (twice now) that dogs in general and border collies in particular need mental stimulation as well as physical exercise. And that this means not to take the same walk everyday so as not to bore the dog.

So on our mix-it-up-live-a-little walk this morning we pass a small park in our neighborhood. I had a flashback to the days of yore. Translation: 15 years ago. We bought our house in 1993 when Son was one and Daughter was four.

I remember taking the kids up to this park a lot when they were little. They have this cool little wall around one of the trees, with a sidewalk and two gates. My daughter could go for quite awhile opening and closing the gate. Pushing son in stroller through and then doing it all over again. I could sit on the wall and watch. On this one day I was watching a friend’s kids. Her daughter was seven and her son was four. At the time I was not aware that seven year olds are sometimes quite good readers.

Hey kids let’s walk to the top of the hill and look at the view.

Scurrying and running from the three kids. I pull my son out of the stroller and take him up on my hip. The view is gorgeous and I have a blanket with me to spread out and sit on with the baby. The two four year olds are chasing each other around as four year olds do, but end up right by my side when the precocious seven year old comes up.

Auntie

Yes

Somebody wrote on that tree over there.

Like carved the tree?

No, it looks like paint.

AH. The teenagers did graffiti on a tree. They shouldn’t do that.

Can you look at it and read it. I read it but I don’t get it. It says, “Either eat me or fuck me.”

What?!


It says…

That’s OK. I heard you. Sweetie, can you show me the tree?

She walks me a few feet over where a tree’s trunk has a burl in it- that I have to admit looked like one big wooden vulva. The child traces the words, which are circled around the alleged genitalia, with her fingers and says, See, Auntie. Eat me or..

Yeah. You know what? I have no idea what it means. Some stupid teenagers wrote some stupid words. But your mommie is smarter than your auntie so you can ask her when she comes back later.

17 comments:

only a movie said...

Oh My Goodness!!!!

What a sweet story. :-)

Vodka Mom said...

oh crap. isn't that always the case????

McEwens said...

What an awful thing someone wrote on the tree! Way to shift the conversation!!!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

At the time I was so pissed off at whatever neighborhood teens did this, that I wanted to stake out the park and catch them in action

Kristan said...

LOL i can't believe you told her to ask her mom! hahaha poor woman probably had a heart attack. are y'all still friends? :P

Eudae-mamia said...

Oh. My. Word! That's hilarious. I think you've finally stumbled upon a "pro" for illiteracy.

Em

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Her mom was a supermom who handled all with ease. The seven year old is now 22, graduated from college in May with an English major, and spent her summer doing some kind of internship to ready herself for applying at publishing houses in NYC. In the long run, being a reader has paid off for her.

thistle said...

how funny..i passed a tree this morning that was looking like it needed a bra...just the way the limbs had been pruned...weird...

that's thinking on your feet to suggest that kid needed to talk to her mother about it...my dad did a similar move re: a question about a kitteh's anatomy, except he referred me to my uncle who is a vet...not a great communicator my dad LOL...

Jay Jay said...

Way to dodge a bullet. Good job. It's sad that that kind of vandalism happens just the same.

Captain Dumbass said...

Ah, seven year olds. Did she ask in an innocent voice?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

The seven year old was innocent, but that was 15 years ago....

Mama Dawg said...

That's the best way to handle that. Toss it back on the mom! LOL!

Brilliant!

goodfather said...

'Wooden vulva'. Excellent! I will *not* say that reminded me of my ex-wife. That would be insensitive, and possibly construed as chauvinistic/boorish. And also imply that my ex-wife was a tree.

Great story!

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Haha goodfather cracks me up. And I love that you told her to ask her mom!

cookingsherri said...

Now that she is old enough, have you asked her if she remembers it? Kids don't miss a thing. Funny post.

Summer said...

HAHAHAHAHA... wow.

Do I remember this? Not at all.
Can I picture this happening? Yes.


Did I even ask my mom about it later?

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Hey SUMMER! You found me. No, you didn't ask your mom. You forgot all about it. Your mom, being wise, took the information and said she'd wait and see if you brought it up.