Sunday, March 29, 2009
Spin Cycle: Time
People always tell you how much faster times flies by the older you get. I thought about this once when I was over my head with overscheduled life. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get to where you want to go. But while you are busy getting it done, the better moments where you feel the thrill of really living are fewer and farther between.
When you are a child, at least in the days gone by, time was something you had a surplus of. Most of your time is spent in the throes of living. Or pondering.
As you get older, a lot of time is spent doing what needs to get done. Work. Chores. Errands.
So, my thought was, the reason time seems to go by so fast the older you get is because only those moments where you are really experiencing your life count. Maybe, in a given year, you only “lived” two months at best.
When I think back on my teenagers’ childhoods, or leaf through the photos, I seldom remember the anxiety of juggling two jobs, a home, two children, and the elderly grandmother. Of constantly worrying over who did what and what did not get done. I remember the smiles. The joy. Those are the things that stick.
Living in the moment and finding joy while doing something as mundane as, say, vacuuming isn’t easy.
Letting go of obsessive worrying or negative thoughts wasn’t something that used to come easy for me.
Living through a cancer diagnosis and the subsequent treatments changed me.
I can tell someone straight up, and multiple times if necessary, that I do not want to get caught up in obsessive negativity. And mean it.
I can let go of the political maneuvering in the workplace and really not care of the sucky politics. Or at least not care so much that it follows me home.
I can let go of most things if it is for a greater good.
It is hard with our busy lives to slow down. So sometimes I feel like instead of moving forward, I just want to free fall and let go. And in letting go, can feel the thrill of what is really important.
Everything else just falls off the edge.
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