Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Voices in My Head

Me: Oh crap. I forgot my I-shuffle for my walk. Ah. Well. I’ll just enjoy the silence.

Five minutes later.

Me: Did I forget to lock something? Turn off the stove? Are my kids alright?? Why did I suddenly get this gut wrenching nerve fest and adrenaline rush?

Anxiety: Hey you stupid bitch! I’m the wrench in your gut and don’t you forget it.

Intuition (softly): I’m the feeling at the center of your being. Your inner voice. Don’t confuse me with Anxiety. He’s just messing with you. Don’t listen to him.

Me: Excuse me? How can I tell the difference?

Intuition: Oh. You just KNOW. Listen to me, your inner voice. Take a deep breath, exhale, and blow Anxiety right out of there.

Me: Sometimes I am not so sure if I can tell the difference. What if dismiss malaise as Anxiety and it turns out it was my Intuition?

Anxiety: HA!! Hahahahahaha. Good luck with that. I kind of like it here. You are both pretty fucking amusing.

31 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

Anxiety is Intuition's evil twin. Sagacity is their distant cousin. If she's around Intuition stands a chance, providing mad uncle Inner Monologue is on holiday.

Michele said...

Blow both of them off and daydream. It's what I do.

Angie Ledbetter said...

The writer's lot -- contending with all the crazy voices. :)

Kristan said...

LOL and this is why you always go back for the iPod.

Jan said...

I think our inner voices are related. Closely. Like twins.

blueviolet said...

Can you even have one without the other? Does one cause the other? hmmmmm....

lizspin said...

All of the above are why they invented Xanax. . .

Sprite's Keeper said...

Next time go one better by vocalizing the voices. Sure makes for some fun interactions with others!

Linda said...

When I forget my iPod I turn around and lay on the sofa til it shows up;)

Captain Dumbass said...

Hey! I use my iPod to drown out the voices too!

*twitch twitch*

True Blue Texan said...

One of the great conundrums of life- which inner voice to listen to? Generally, i try to stay away from the one that sounds like my Mom.

Oh, and I have checked out WordPress. Not gonna happen. I'd have to pay to customize my template/theme. I actually prefer Blogger's dashboard by comparison and their forums look no more useful than Blogger's.

Laura said...

Ohhh, I can totally relate. It usually makes me turn back around and go home.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Very happy this post did not get people with white jackets coming after me.

And Texan - the comment about your mother - I wish I had thought of that.

only a movie said...

Those two guys? Fuck with my head all. day. long.
I thought it was just me.

Hang in there.

Momma Chae said...

:) I've been there. Definitely been there. And then when I share my worries with my husband, he looks at me like I'm crazy.

Maureen at IslandRoar said...

That'll teach you to forget your music and let your mind wander. A mind is a dangerous thing to unleash...

IB said...

Thank GOD! I was starting to think there was something really WRONG with me. Well, maybe there still is, but it's nice knowing I'm not alone.

otin said...

Where are Depression and Paranoia? Did they get the day off? :)

Duchess said...

I never walk with my iPod. (Housework is another matter.) I want to hear what is around me, though I know there are sometimes those voices. I have a lot of trouble with anxiety, but I don't think playing the loudest sound is the solution.

Beth said...

Thanks for making me feel more normal. And I thought those voices were only speaking to me.

Mango Girl said...

I just stay confused and don't worry about too much...

My ultimate goal in life is to accept the craziness with no worries...let everything be what it is.

I am quite sure I am destined for the funny farm.

Gaston Studio said...

LOL... but never blow off intuition's voice!

What's with 'Ashlee912' and 'Anonymous said...'? Doesn't he/she know they read the same?

JennyMac said...

Haha. Must always, always retrieve iPod!

Midlife Jobhunter said...

I just hate when the anxiety overtakes the intuition. Or the 100 other voices in my head. That does call for a white jacket.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

And I thought the voices in my head were bad. Too funny! Sorry. *sigh*

Aleta said...

What a treat to read this! Thanks for the smiles. I loved how you gave intuition a "soft" voice. That's the one I listen to, the feeling that doesn't demand attention first.

Creepy said...

I find that a glass or seven of wine shuts those voices up nicely...

anymommy said...

I have all the same characters in my head. Weird.

hillgrandmom said...

I jut wanted to say that I loved mo.stoneskin's comment.
My 2 are intuition and inner critic :-( anxiety isn't a patch on IC!

bernthis said...

EXACTLY! why I wear an ipod

creative kerfuffle said...

anxiety fucking w/ you sounds quite similar to your son doing the same in the post above! LOL