Monday, September 6, 2010

No News IS Good News

At recess I slide my cell phone open and the screen appears. No missed calls. No texts. No voice messages.

My heart goes back to its normal rhythm. My diaphragm expands and allows a deep, slow breath.

A breath of relief. Like realizing you are floating on a raft on a calm summer day when, for a second, you were on alert for the hurricane warning.

My normal day remains normal and I go back to whatever it is that teachers do with a recess here - a lunch there. Emails answered. Papers filed away.

The cell phone goes back into my desk drawer.

I am not far enough past the unbloggable to leave my phone in my purse yet, locked in my file cabinet, left for an entire day unchecked. But I feel that day around a nearby corner. It smiles at me and tells me to be patient.

That day will arrive when the fears and dangers of the unbloggable are far away. Not now. Not when those days are still close enough in the past that I can feel the grip and wrench of stomach muscles when I think the unbloggable has reared its head and demanded a rematch. When a crack seems to appear in the dark abyss at the center of normalcy and my adrenaline goes into overdrive. I stand at the edge of the void that hovers close by, that cliff that I have come to know is there waiting on the periphery of all our lives - waiting to test us and wreak havoc.

I can only hope that time and tide takes me further away from that cliff with the grace of each passing day.

The unbloggable began with a text.

The cell phone represented instantaneous changes in any given day.

Now, everyday I check my phone at recess and lunch. I no longer carry it on vibrate in my pocket, ready to switch roles and agendas midday.

Each time I see the tranquil photo on the screen and realize all is fine, I gain a bit of strength and courage. A touch of grace.

I say a short prayer of gratitude and go on with my day.

31 comments:

Brian Miller said...

hope that peaceful shot remains...and the unbloggable stays quiet as well....

nice write...

Just Two Chicks said...

I too hope that peace continues for you. I hope it gets to the point that you are no longer having to check for things at recess too. I completely understand that cliff, and I understand the peace that comes after hovering on the edge of it as well. It makes me thankful for the little things that bring me happiness!

Captain Dumbass said...

Here's to seeing the peaceful shot everyday.

only a movie said...

Glad someone's adrenals are getting a rest...
So well written. I am looking forward to the opportunity to write something similar... maybe next month.
xo

blueviolet said...

A day at a time and each one of those days is a blessing. :)

Gaston Studio said...

Glad things remain quiet on your homefront Pseudo. This post is so well done, albeit tense, as you seem to be.

Michele said...

Out of the pocket and into the drawer, soon it will be back in the locker. That is my wish for you.

tulpen said...

I was thinking as I read this that I hope my sister gets to write something similar soon...you know what I mean...

tulpen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
creative kerfuffle said...

here's wishing for the day you can lock the cell phone away.

Sprite's Keeper said...

Amen. (That day is coming, Pseudo.)

Nubian said...

Wishing you peace... hugs

Jan said...

Ah, my dear - you have no idea how glad I am to read this. May the unbloggable continue to recede into the past for you. Oh, yes.

TwentyFourAtHeart said...

Hugs! Yes, often no news is absolutely the BEST news!

Mama Badger said...

Almost makes you wish for the days when you didn't have a cell phone, doesn't it? But it's almost past, and soon you'll look forward seeing what the phone has to say. Keep the faith, you'll get there.

Jason, as himself said...

This post really rang true to me...because I have been there. It is interesting how, if you watched my cell phone habits really carefully, you would be able to see that something serious was going on in my life...or not...without even hearing me talk into it.

The Stiletto Mom said...

I hope you continue on towards peaceful days. I had the unbloggable this summer which is why I pretty much stopped writing altogether. Here's hoping this chapter of your life closes quickly and quietly! Hugs!

Irish Gumbo said...

I second the Captain: here's to the peaceful shot each day *clink*

Lori said...

I am hugging you right now and praying for these days of peace to be the norm. XX Sending much love and hugs your way.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Lovely and lyrical. May peace be yours.

dbs said...

"Nothing is worth more than this day." ~Goethe

Lisa said...

I wish you that ongoing peace.

Heather said...

I sure hope the unbloggable keeps its ugly head down for at least a good while. We should all get to see the light before the train comes!

Joanna Jenkins said...

That's real progress Pseudo! Continued prayers your way for peace to you and your loved ones.
xo jj

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh...I pray for peace for you and with you!!!! So glad I found you on my dash...I didn't recognize your new blog name!! But I came and I found YOU! So glad...You are in my thoughts as you make this journey...My heart is with you! ~Janine XO

secret agent woman said...

Glad the unbloggable is being held at bay and hope the peaceful reassurance continues.

Mrsbear said...

I'm so glad that day is closer rather than farther away. To much peace and tranquil, humdrum days.

Kristan said...

(From a writing standpoint: great post.)

I'm glad the light at the end of the tunnel is so close... It sounds like being sick for a long time (like more than 4 days) and wondering if you're ever going to feel "normal" again. Knowing that you will, but not remembering quite what it felt like. Wishing, hoping, waiting.

Kate said...

hope it continues!

Critically Anonymous said...

There's nothing really to criticize here. This post was an inward-looking, faux-poetic analysis of the mundane. Essentially, the perfect blog post.

--Critically Anonymous

Anna See said...

you captured how things can turn in an instant.

great post and let's hope your days are peaceful.