Friday, August 14, 2009

The Poop Lady

Daughter had read my post with poop involved and this somehow wormed its way into a conversation we were having about tipping.

I was mentioning my dilemma at tipping people who work counters. Considering all the years I waitressed my way through college and then some, tipping for counter service seems a bit of a stretch.

Daughter works at a coffee house and of course appreciates the tip jar.

However.

She mentions that it is nice to get the tips, but she really only expects it from the people she serves. People who order food usually go and get a table and the baristas take the customers’ food out to them. Plus clean up the dishes and wipe down the table afterwards. For this... she thinks a tip is nice and proper.

There is one regular who Daughter goes into a rant about. The woman is VERY PICKY about her latte – she does NOT like it the way most people do and makes a big show of explaining how to make it every day when she comes in.

She also orders food. She usually eats breakfast at the coffee house, sometimes coming back for lunch.

Instead of paying at the counter when she orders her food, she makes the workers come get her credit card from the table, take her credit card, go and ring it up, and bring it back to the table, where she will sign the voucher.

As she signs it, she puts a line through the tip section, looks Daughter (or whomever is serving her) in the eye, and says, “You don’t get a tip, this isn’t a real restaurant and you really didn’t do anything.”

Then, after expecting to get waited on, not tipping, and being a bit mean and condescending about not tipping, she tries to make conversation with the workers. The WHOLE TIME SHE IS THERE. Shouting to them while they serve customers at the counter.

Daughter did not like the smirk on my face.

“That’s not the worst of it Mom,” she says to my smirk. “EVERYTIME she eats, within ten minutes she has to take a poop.”

Quick aside. The restroom is a big single restroom that opens up to the dining area.

“She stays in there, for like TEN MINUTES. Then, when she comes out, she doesn’t bother to shut the door and the stink is awful. It follows her out. We have sprays in there, but she doesn’t use them. So one of us has to go in there and spray the stink and shut the door so the customers don’t end up so grossed out they gag on their coffee.”

"For THAT," I say to Daughter, "for that, she should really have left a tip."

"If she would just go home to poop," says Daughter smiling, "I could live without the tip."

48 comments:

Mrs. K said...

So many options...so little time:

me being the passive agressive person I am, would knock on the door and say' you ok?'. Or just plain ignore her.

Nicole S. said...

Oh, that's grand! In high school, I worked at Dunkin Donuts and there was this (supposedly homesless) guy that would come in, hit on all the girls and then poop in the bathroom. And we're talking, get the rubber gloves and plunger kinda pooping. Half the time, he didn't even order. Just tried to convice girls to meet him at his spot in the woods (no lie!!) - none of us were nearly that dumb, thank goodness.

Can't wait until my kids and relish in the joys of teenage employment. :)

Creepy said...

I say put a tip jar on the back of the toilet.

only a movie said...

Oh, Crissy has the best idea.

How does your daughter keep a straight face.? Great story.

Vodka Mom said...

I say, have someone sneak into the bathroom RIGHT BEFORE she goes in, and do the SAME THING SHE DOES, and then let HER go in and see what it's like.

It's a tit for tat. or something.

smiles4u said...

Oh dear...lol.

Kristan said...

EW! But at least that's better than I thought this was going to turn out. I thought they were going to put poop of some sort (theirs, animal's, who knows) into her food.

Maggie said...

What a lady! That's really nasty! :X

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Man, I just don't get some people.
I guess it's good for our kids to learn to handle all types, right?
Out here, I'm in the habit of looking for tip jars everywhere, and I at least throw my change in. Most kids work really hard.

Angie Ledbetter said...

That is no lady! (I bet they spit in her food and lattes.) :)

Middle Aged Woman said...

Wait until she's half done with her order, then post an "Out of Order" sign on the restroom. Just to see her face!

anymommy said...

Yeah, for that I would go without the tip as well. What a boob!

Amy said...

How my. What a job she had. I do not know what I would think or do either. Crazy...

Twenty Four At Heart said...

It sure is educational for our kids to get out in the working world, isn't it? : ) Poor thing .... and really, that lady sounds like a class A (disgusting) beeotch!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

If that lady (and I use the term 'lady' loosely) says it's not a 'real restaurant', then why does she act like it is by having them come take her credit card at the table instead of paying at the counter? I'm totally with your daughter on this one...and agree that one can live without the tip if she just went home to poop instead of stinking up the place... ;)

Captain Dumbass said...

She should print out this post and tape it up in the bathroom.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'd have a big sign all ready to tap on the inside of the bathroom door when she arrives saying. TIPPING REQUIRED AFTER STINKY POOPS. That or an OUT OF ORDER sign to tape up when she walks in. And hell would freeze over before I went to get her credit card.

Yeah, I sucked at being a waitress :-)

xo

blueviolet said...

That is a heck of a story! I can imagine you laughed a long time at that and heck yeah, she needs to tip!

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Ah yes. I laughed a lot when my daughter told me this story.

Joanie M said...

Oh, I REALLY like Middle Aged Woman's suggestion. Put and Out Of Order sign on the door!

Lilly said...

LOL - out of order sign - love it. I think waitressing is the BEST job kids can do because they sure learn some things about human nature. Tell your daughter she is gaining a real education that will hold her in good stead for the rest of her life. My faughter waitressed for about seven years and she was a different person at the end of it and had great arms from all that plate carrying, lol! Some people are odd to say the least and I hate the way they treat aiting staff as if they were their own personal slaves. Clearly this woman doesnt have much going for her.

Fragrant Liar said...

I think it's time to drop a little Immodium into her latte.

Casey said...

P.U.! That's the worst that they have to smell someone's ass while they're working.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Wow, what a piece of work that lady is. It's one thing to not tip, but to ANNOUNCE that you're not tipping? And after being so high maintenance? Sounds liked a spiked latte would be in order here.

Sprite's Keeper said...

There must be some serious fiber in the food that woman orders!
Or it could be the coffee.
I feel the same way about tipping counter service as you, but once you take a table and have people bring you ANYTHING, it's a whole new ballgame.

Laura said...

Maybe the waitresses should leave a note for her when she comes back to her table from the bathroom explaining how they serve her. Or maybe the owner or manager should talk to her, as if that will do any good. But maybe she'll take her business elsewhere.

Beth said...

Please tell me they've spit in her drink. How amazingly rude!

At the very least, she could provide some courtesy flushes as she is doing her business. That way she wouldn't stink up the whole place.

mo.stoneskin said...

I would love to own a cafe/restaurant simply so that I could ban such people. Wuhahaha. Not sure if I would be allowed. Probably would be taken to court over non-tipper-discrimination.

Gaston Studio said...

Everything that woman does is just WRONG!
Can't believe she makes them wait on her and doesn't give a tip; refuse to comment about her pooping!

Today am announcing a FUN giveaway thingie on my post which will begin next Monday... come visit and see what I'm talking about!

Hit 40 said...

The workers need to unite and f over her favorite latte. Give her cold yucky food. She must go away!!! Terrible mean smelly.... she is bad for business.

Hit 40 said...

Or... one of the employees could race to the bathroom when she wants to use it. And... stay in there until she leaves. They could text him when it is safe to come out.

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, man, I so feel for your daughter.

Linda said...

Hmm...the beeoth in ME says next time make her latte anyway you see fit, make her come get her food at the counter & put an out of order sign on the restroom when she's about half done whith her meal.
But that's just me:-)

Kristine said...

That's kind of woman that you hope comes in on your last day of work so you can say all that you want.

How amazingly rude of her. If I were another customer I'd tell her off since I know the wait staff can't.

nothingfancy1 said...

OMG!!!! That's the funniest thing I've read in a while!!! So does Daughter have a nickname for her? My sister worked at a fast food restaurant and always had nicknames for her regulars - especially the odd ones!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Let that be a lesson to us, bloggyville. "Go home to poop!"

LMAO!

lisleman said...

great story - what an experience
I'll be sending this one to my starbucks worker in the family.

I don't care for the tip jar. Since I order very simple coffee drinks - black maybe a shot of hazelnut -

If you are waited on (brings food out, cleans up your mess, etc) then a tip makes sense. I really wish they would just pay the workers better so they didn't need the tips so bad.

About this "lady" - I think she has issues and maybe she is cranky because of bowel issues messing up her life.

She's a regular? Maybe she's looking for some company/friendship.

sherri said...

who explains why they don't tip? and who shits at the same place every day that isn't their house? this woman has balls or perhaps anus of steel. and no manners.

Kathy said...

lisleman - she's definitely regular, that's for sure! LOL

We have a "mystery pooper" where I work. It's gross. Take that shit home. Literally.

I'd wait until 7 minutes after she gets her food, and go do a pre-emptive spray in the bathroom.

Kathy B! said...

I waited tables through high school, college, and beyond... and if you need to explain yourself you need to leave a tip. Period.

And if you stink the whole place up you need to pay a cover charge before you can even get in.

Kathy B! said...

I waited tables through high school, college, and beyond... and if you need to explain yourself you need to leave a tip. Period.

And if you stink the whole place up you need to pay a cover charge before you can even get in.

Kaylen said...

oy, that is so disturbing!! Who does this?? If her bowels are that regular, she should really adjust her schedule at the restaurant so she can poop at home first.

bernthis said...

I gotta say, I think she should tip pooper or no pooper.

♥ Braja said...

Don't serve her. Tell her, "It's not a real restaurant and anyway I don't actually do anything..."

class-factotum said...

1. If I order a standard item at the counter and wait for it, no tip. If the waitress comes to the table or if I want a fussy variation of what is on the menu, then yes, there is a tip.

2. When I was in high school and college, I was a lifeguard at a city pool. One year, the boys thought it was really funny to poop on the floor of the bathroom. We, the minimum-wage guards, had to clean that crap up. I would gag. We finally started locking the door and making people come to the desk to get the key. That stopped the pooping, but then the city told us we were violating peoples' rights or some baloney like that.

There is nothing like earning $3.25/hour to clean poop to make you think that maybe school isn't so bad.

Christy said...

I don't know how I missed this one - too freaking funny!!!

Mama Badger said...

Argh, so many things wrong with this! I think the barista's should inform her that since this isn't a real "restaurant", she is expected to pay when she orders at the counter (as you do at Starbucks and all the rest), and then refuse to bring her credit slip to her table.

Your daughter wouldn't like my idea of tipping, though. If you get paid a regular wage (minimum or above) I do not tip. I only tip if I know they are making "waitstaff" wages. I sucks, I know, but you gotta draw a line somewhere. Oh, I also don't expect people to clean up after me, or bring me my food at a "non-restaurant" establishment, though...

Reluctant Housewife said...

Oh my! That woman is infamous. I bet she has no idea.

Very funny!