Saturday, September 19, 2009

Walking with a Wet Blanket

I’ve been in a funkity funk funk funk.

In two and a half weeks I’ve lost ten pounds.

I have a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach nearly all the time.

I just got through reading this inspiring post at Vodka Mom’s.

Logically, I see the perspective and how what is devastating me right now, in the grand scheme of things, and in light of all that can go wrong in the world, my problems, my family’s problems, could be worse.

Still.

As grateful that I am for all I have and as hopeful as I am trying to be…

I feel a rip, a tear in the fabric that holds me together.

Not ever having been a person who cries or wells up, I find myself fighting back tears out of nowhere.

One foot in front of the other.

One moment at a time.

A constant vigil to hope and trust that we are making decisions that will bring us closer to better and not worse.

This too shall pass…



I've updated the sunrise in the sidebar (finally). Head on over for a post much more uplifting.

40 comments:

Em said...

I'm so very sorry to find, during my catchup round, that things are not looking up in PseudoVille.

Prayers for peace to you my friend.

Jeff D'Antonio said...

Wishing you the best in your struggle. I wish I had some profound words of wisdom for you, but I'm a bit lost for words right now.

The sun always rises. Always. Just remember that.

Captain Dumbass said...

You'll get past it, Pseudo, just hold on.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

I'm sorry for the heartache that is gripping your life at present. While I don't know what it is you are facing, I recognize the gut wrenching, and sickening feeling in the pit of the stomach that you describe...and I find myself aching...hurting in sympathy...I wish there were something I could do to ease the difficulties you face...All I can say is that I'm here...with you...and hoping for all the best for you...and praying that this painful journey will not be long...my heart is with you...Janine XO

ds said...

I'm with you. Hang in, and hang on!

Eternally Distracted said...

Hey Misses, although I have no idea what is happening I can rest assured that I will pop back here in a few hours time and there will be many more messages from lovely people - I hope you find a smile from them.

I am going back to listen to the song now :) Hugs x

Christy (Columbia Lily) said...

i don't know what's going on but I hope things start looking brighter soon.

Dingo said...

I hope things look up for you soon. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time.

Shadow said...

it's the moon hunny! not to worry, won't last much longer...

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

My prayers are with you, and standing with you that you are making decisions that will bring you closer to better.

starrlife said...

Sweetie- having been through some serious shit (relationship wise- think Elizabeth Edwards) I know how that goes. I'm so sorry, you deserve a bit of peace and I'm hoping that you gain some soon. Email me/call me if it's something I can help with. Please. Hugs....

hillgrandmom said...

Hugs for the difficult times in life's journey and may Wisdom guide you in your decision-making.

otin said...

Problems are interesting things. I may get stomach cramps over a bill not being paid, or freak out over a single heart palpitation, while somewhere a little child battles cancer. When you are in the place that you are in right now it is hard to climb out of it. I cannot really comment because I do not know what is causing your feelings, but I do get the feeling that you need to talk about it. If you ever do, then feel free to do so. a LOT of people talk to me about things. I know that I get depressed some times and always try to put things in perspective by realizing that no one is ever really satisfied with their lives. Some people just hide it better!

Jan said...

(((Pseudo)))

*raises coffee cup* Here's to hoping that things get better in Pseudoland very, very soon.

Kristan said...

Oh man, 10 pounds in 2.5 weeks? I've done that (also due to stress/life issues) and it is NOT fun... :\

Try to take good care of yourself. "This too shall pass."

We'll be thinking of you.

Mrs. K said...

Wait- 10 lbs? Oh my gosh- JEALOUS! :) but seriously I hate it when I get into a funk- like something may happen but can't put my finger on it and then I become restless and a worry wart- but this too shall pass- maybe meditate, listen to your body...may help!

only a movie said...

xxxooo

sending lots of love and light your way.

talk soon.

Pancake said...

I dont know whats going on, but can tell you are hurting. From reading your blog I know you have a great support group of gal pals, I hope they can give you the comfort and listening ear you are going to need as you go through the following trial. Thinking about you ...

smiles4u said...

((((Pseudo)))) Whatever it is that is causing such pain and stress I pray that you will have resiliencey to keep standing and moving forward. You are an incredible woman, don't ever forget that my friend. Love and hugs to you, Lori

Mango Girl said...

One moment at a time.
Breath in...breathe out...

I know. Easier said than done. It is tough being in such dark places.

I send love your way...maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't. People do care about you; even if you feel like the whole world is crashing in around you. I promise, it's not.

Lots of warm fuzzies to you Pseudo.

~ Mango

Mrsbear said...

All you can do is inch forward, a little bit at a time. I'm hoping the best for you and your family, whatever the obstacle may be.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Recently an old friend I hadn't been in touch w/for years found me. We've been emailing and talking and getting reaquainted. She said to me last week that it is "amazing" where my life is right now. She pointed out it would not be the same if there hadn't been the car accident, the six surgeries, the two years of breathtaking pain and the continual chronic pain I live with. It sounds so trite when life sucks ... but good things do eventually come even from the worst life throws at us. It's just so hard to see at the time.

Sending you huge hugs!

Creepy said...

all i got is good vibes for ya... they're headed your way.

Kathy said...

{{{{{{{{{Pseudo}}}}}}}}}

Sending a hug and a smile your way... Hope things start to look up soon

A Mom on Spin said...

OH, I hope it does pass for you soon, my friend!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Ten pound is not so good honey. Please take time to eat and look after yourself. I don't know what's troubling you but I'm cheering you on from Los Angeles.
xo

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I hope things will be looking up for you soon!

blueviolet said...

This breaks my heart, just breaks it.

Casey said...

Oh Pseudo, I'm sorry you're still having a tough time over there. And you'd better eat a damn cheeseburger or I'll hop a plane and force feed you once myself.

Chin up, I'll be sending positive vibes your way.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Hey Bloggy friend, glad to see any words from you but so sorry life has you feeling this way right now. We all deserve better.
Been thinking about you a lot, and while I know that doesn't help, all those good thoughts from so many have to make some positive energy. Here's hoping and praying some of it winds its way to you...
Hang in.

Mama Dawg said...

Still here!

Told you I would be!

Need some Mississippi good vibes to come your way?

Kathy B! said...

I am sorry that you are in the grip of unpleasant times. I can't imagine the difficulty of pain that's caused such a dramatic weight loss.

However... while you are puttin gone foot in front of the other (because that's really all you can do), please take time to take care of yourself. Force some food in even if it sounds wretched. You'll only make things worse if you make yourself unhealthy physically.

sending you hugs and warm thoughts and all my positive juju...

Sprite's Keeper said...

Keep looking up, Pseudo. The view is bound to get better. Sending you hugs!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Sending hugs, big ones. You know where to find me. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Vodka Mom said...

I am saying prayers for you right now. I hope that with each step you take, and that with each day that passes you will find yourself coming out of this dark time.
Just remember- you are not alone. We are all here waiting to lift you up.

xox

mo.stoneskin said...

Crumbs, not sure how I managed to visit here so late, but thinking of you, all that way round the globe.

JennyMac said...

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

(((HUGZ))) and prayers.

Know that you are loved.

Hit 40 said...

I hope your feeling better. Did you have any luck with the local community college??

starrlife said...

You are a special person and it is okay to be emotional when it feels like it is all coming down around you. Unfortunately I am all too familiar with that hole in the pit of the stomach. I'm always a bit late but always thinking of you and your family and sending hugs, positive vibes and chocolate dreams.