Monday, April 20, 2009

Giveaway Winner and other Stuff....

And the winner of the Hawaii goodie box is...

Kathy from My Space My Blog, My Life

Congratulations Kathy!!

Winner comes courtesy of the random number generator at Psychic Science Website.

Thanks to all of you who commented. Especially thank-you for the spirit of the giveaway, which was for me to show appreciation to those of you who come here, who read what I write, for encouraging me on this journey. Blogging has made writing fun and absorbing for me again. The biggest reason is because people, whether it was those first two readers during my beginning months or a slew of folks on a more popular post, people read what I write. And some comment. There is interaction. I really appreciate the support and camaraderie that comes from blogging.

When I began the blog last year it was a bit of an experiment. To be honest, I thought if it turned out to be something I liked, I would start a new blog using the skills I learned from this experiment. I even have a name for that blog, but have never advanced to make that change. And now I have all these great blog friends and am comfy in my spot. So I am Pseudo. Maybe that other name will get the chance to be a title for a book someday…………………………..

The seed of the idea for a giveaway began in my mind as a way to celebrate my three year anniversary of being a breast cancer survivor. That date is April 10th.

But on April 2nd when I went in for my mammogram the radiologist needed to take a better look. I was called from the waiting area, where I was completely absorbed in the preparations for a vampire war. (Book Four of the Twilight series)

The radiologist just wants to take a couple more images.

While I waited for those images to develop the tech told me to go ahead and just wait in the room.

Bella and Edward kept my mind off any negative projecting.

Mrs. Pseudo a voice called from the hallway.

I came out expecting to be excused to go home. But it was a different tech.

Hi. I’m the ultrasound technician. The radiologist sees something in your mammogram that is a little suspicious. She wants to take some ultrasound images.

Fuuuck me.

A cold wave of air started spreading from the center of my gut like a hollow, expanding pit. I felt detached from my body and as the girl led me to the ultrasound room, used the gel (which is now served warm), and began zeroing in on the suspected blip, I could feel myself floating in a twilight zone.

You know when you are dreaming, and you suddenly realize you are dreaming? How you can manipulate the dream? Seriously, I can do that.

The other night I had a dream that I was driving over an incredibly high bridge with a sapphire blue, incredibly surreal ocean below me. It was definitely Maui, the coastline from Pa’ia to Hana. Suddenly I realized I had been so absorbed in the view that I had driven off the bridge and my car was hanging 1000’s of feet above the ocean in mid air. I drove the car like a plane and suddenly I was on the beach.

Well. Anyways.

While I lay there letting the tech take images of my breast, part of me thought I could will myself from the path that had suddenly reared its ugly head and seemed determined to take me for a detour.

The rest of the ordeal lasted for two weeks. An appointment with my surgeon. An ultrasound guided core biopsy. A bruised breast and a day a rest. Twenty-four hours of not being allowed to shower. Three days of not lifting anything heavy.

The results are in and it was benign.

Life goes back to being a survivor of cancer and not a victim.

For a minute there, I could see each path before me and was suspended between these two realities, prepared for either one.

Either way, life is good. But I have to say, I am very thankful to not have to go down that path again for now.

Yea! Three years.

39 comments:

Joanie M said...

Oh Thank God, Pseudo! Congratulations on 3 cancer-free years!! I hope you have the rest of your long life that same way!

Sandi said...

OH. MY. HELL. I couldn't read fast enough... and then I sat here and cried because you scared the shit out of me!

I am so glad you are okay!

lets keep it that way!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Oh dear lord. Thank god it was benign. I can't imagine what you went through, except to say that we occasionally go through these scares with our son, and those ain't no fun.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I really thought about being nice and giving the happy ending first. But decided to be more honest in what it is like to wonder for a week about the results.

Kathy said...

W H E W.......

And really, don't be dreaming about driving off bridges, ok? The whole boobie thing is enough to scare me, don't bring other stuff into it. Yikes.

And OMIGOD I won! I won! I won! LOL

I'm so excited. I'll bet it was movie's entry that I won with, too. LOL

Thank you!!!

Brigit said...

That week of wondering is terrible. For you having been there before, it must have been a nightmare. Thank god it was benign. I feel like celebrating for you.

Marinka said...

Oh goodness--I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. Thank goodness that it's benign.

Em said...

I'm with Sandi - I had to scroll!!!

Congratulations on 3 wonderful years. Here's to many, many, many, many, more.

And I'll write my book if you write yours? Em

P.S. Congratulations to Kathy too!

Fragrant Liar said...

OMFG. I had been holding my breath till the very end, hoping, hoping, hoping you would not give me bad news. I'm SO relieved that what they noticed was benign, and I'm so relieved that they are so careful and cautious as to find it. And I'm grateful you're going to be around with us for a very long, long time. That is gift enough for me today.

smiles4u said...

My dear friend, my heart stopped as I read and just as fresh tears fell, I read that it is benign. Thank God. That's all I can keep on saying right now. This time must have been a nightmare for you. I am sorry. Now I just want to celebrate. I am feeling very thankful right now!

True Blue Texan said...

Thank goodness it's benign. You had us all scared there for a moment.

And I was going to whine about not winning the contest....

Midlife Jobhunter said...

"The results are in and it was benign."

I held my breath while I read, hoping those would be the words. Tough time, nonetheless. I think you need to go to the beach.

Kristan said...

OH THANK GOD. I didn't even realize I was holding my breath until it all came whooshing out! (And now I'm blinking back tears. I'd hate you if I didn't love you.)

I'm so glad you're okay - yay 3 yrs! - and that Bella and Edward were there to keep you company.

Cristin said...

Yay!!! I love that Bella and Edward provided some distraction...

I've been able to change my dreams too... one that stands out was about some horrible talking dogs who were making fun of me... I hit rewind on the dream, started over and they were sweet little puppies...

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Sorry to give you all a scare. That thankfulness for life and little things that comes with these trials and these scares shuold be bottled somehow so that we do need need these scares to appreciate our lives and the little things.

Note: with the digital technology for mamograms (which my good friend Smart Mouthed Broad recommended I switch to) they see things much better and earier. If this lump had been anything bad they would have caught it when it was only half a centimenter big. Less than half the size of the malignant one three years ago. And they said they had caught that early.

So, even it it had been cancer again, they would have caught it very early.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Cristin - I am going to try the rewind button. Too cool.

Pancake said...

OMG you scared the crap out of me! I was feeling so badly for you!!! I AM SO SO glad it was benign. I am glad cancer is not rearing its ugle nasty stinking head again!

mo.stoneskin said...

I was a bit freaked out too, scrolled back up frantically searching for something that let me know exactly when this was, then scrolled back down and finished the post, then scrolled back up. So glad it was benign.

Lisa said...

blessed be for wonderful news- how i love the word benign

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Oh my gosh! I was so scared reading this...I mean, my heart was in my throat. Thank God it was benign.

Congratulations on those three years!

Jan said...

Good gawd, woman - how did you keep your calm for two weeks? You didn't say a thing.

I got chills just reading this post, and kept thinking, "No. Just...no. Not again."

I am SO relieved everything is fine.

Happy Anniversary, dear.

Suzanne said...

You must be so relieved. My Mum had breast cancer 17 years ago and touch wood is still going strong. May you have many more anniversaries x x

creative kerfuffle said...

it is hard not to get detached here and appreciate the writing and the build up when in reality i was freaking out hoping please let it be benign. i'm sooo very glad you are still a survivor. you have a wonderful blog and are a gifted story teller. i may not comment every time, but i love reading you : )

Gaston Studio said...

That wind that just blew through Hawaii was me sighing with relief.

So glad it was benign; God has plans for you dear girl, for many years to come.

P.S. Left something for you on my blog. So glad I posted it today!

Out-Numbered said...

Wow. What a great blog. Turned on to it by Gaston Studio. I'm happy I stopped by. Be well.

Mama Dawg said...

Yay for 3 years!

My aunt had the same thing happen. She's a 14 year survivor and has at least one scare since her surgery and recovery.

You're in my thoughts and prayers every day for many reasons including this one.

Jack said...

And here i was just bitchin' and moaning about having to go for blood work, scans, and ultrasounds too often. I have been putting off my 6 month round of tests and check-ups for a couple weeks... your post today really shook some sense back into me, I'll be making all my appointments this afternoon for sure. Thank you and thank goodness your A-Okay!!!

Congrats to Kathy :)

only a movie said...

Congrats, you.

And Kathy too.

:-)

Cid said...

Happy anniversary, may you have many, many more

Amy said...

Yeah to your three years. I am so happy for you.

Rikki said...

ack! I had a stomach full of stones and I could read fast enough! Look out John Sanford if you ever decide to write suspense novels!

Melissa B. said...

And thanks to you, Pseudo, for putting yourself out there almost every day. I love to write; I love the immediacy of blogging, and I love having friends around the world who share my passion, even a tiny bit. Congrats to your winner, too...you're a mighty generous woman!

Beth said...

The suspense almost killed me! Yay for being a survivor! That is awesome news.

And congrats to Kathy. I know she'll get some cool stuff!

Robin said...

Testament to your writing skills: the supense was unbearable. So glad it was benign and so glad you share so much of yourself with us. Thank you Pseudo!

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Yippie! Woot, woot! Praise God. Muahhh!

flurrious said...

Oy, what a scare. I'm so glad for you that it turned out to be benign.

Casey said...

Holy shit, what a scare. Ugh, you've got me freaked out over here but I'm so glad things turned out ok.

I'm glad you settled into blogging and like it here, I feel the exact same way. I didn't know what to expect but now it's become a staple in my life.

starrlife said...

Well, that was quite scary!Glad to hear it's good news and I'm glad that you decided to blog too!

The Rambler said...

Psuedo...so glad it worked out.

My BFF works at Queens POB3 doing mammos.